Diary of A Borderline Sociopath – Entry 1: Diary story, Fabling, Pam, Free short story, Psychology Story

I have a boyfriend, but I am not attracted to him. I like him, no doubt. He is fun, he is intelligent, he is cute, he is stable. He is everything I wish my spec would be. And he loves me. But he is not my spec.

I have dated enough of my spec to now consider them all shallow or uninteresting, or just plain old wahala (problematic).

I would look at my life, realise how much of a mess I am, and be grateful that I have a boyfriend, that I can stand. But when the thought of making love comes to mind, I’ll suppress a gag.

I hate myself.

Then I saw my spec today and the thought flashed in my head. I against the walls held up by his slim yet firm hands, my legs wrapped around his slim waist. It was easy picturing myself having sex with him.

But I know this spec. All there is to him is the idea of him. The illusion of mystery. In reality, he is just a big baby. I wouldn’t be able to stand him past 2 days if we dated. He’ll probably disappoint me in bed and I’ll roll off, smile and leave; blocking his number and putting in an effort to casually avoid him for life.

But my boyfriend is different. I don’t want him with another girl. I don’t want to be his friend. I want him to be my boyfriend. But I’m just not attracted to him. I wonder what I can do differently to build the attraction.

I don’t know when Diary of A Borderline Sociopath – Entry 3 will be out, check out LORDS in the meantime.