Kidnapping Father Christmas: Chapter 4 – Nigerian Christmas Story, Funny, Kidnap Santa Clause, Adventure, Children and Mischief, Free Web Novel, Fabling, Pam
“Brother Ebuka, my friends and I have decided to kidnap Father Christmas,” Chukwuma announced, bursting into the room with the determination only a child could muster.
Ebuka, who was lounging on his bed, looked up in disbelief. “Wait, you’ve decided to do what?” he asked, sure he hadn’t heard correctly.
“Kidnap Father Christmas,” Chukwuma repeated, his face dead serious.
Ebuka stared at him for a moment, then erupted into laughter, the kind that makes your stomach hurt. “Okay, okay,” he managed to say between gasps for air, “good luck with that.”
“Do and finish laughing jor, I have important questions to ask you,” Chukwuma insisted, his little face scrunched up in frustration.
“Alright, alright,” Ebuka said, trying to compose himself and keep a straight face. “Ask away.”
“There are plenty of Father Christmases, abi? How will I know the real one? Not the fake one oh,” Chukwuma asked, his eyes wide with genuine concern.
Ebuka paused, thinking for a moment. “The real Father Christmas is fat, with a big potbelly—not the one where they stuff clothes under his costume. His stomach is bigger than Daddy’s, and he’s fair, like a real oyinbo. He’s almost fatter than Aunty Ayo too,” Ebuka explained, enjoying the absurdity of the conversation.
Chukwuma nodded seriously, absorbing every detail. “Where will I find him?”
“The one they’ll bring to your school is the real Father Christmas,” Ebuka said, already planning his next joke. “But if the one at your school isn’t the real deal, he’s probably one of Father Christmas’s assistants. You can still kidnap that one.”
Chukwuma frowned, thinking hard. “How do I make Father Christmas follow me?”
“Hit him on the head really hard,” Ebuka suggested, barely containing his laughter. The idea of his little brother attempting to kidnap a full-grown man dressed as Santa Claus was just too much. He couldn’t imagine Chukwuma was actually serious—or that he’d have any success even if he was.
Meanwhile, in a nearby room, Oyinbo was admiring himself in the mirror, adjusting his Father Christmas costume. He puffed out his chest, letting out a deep “ho ho ho” as he practised the jolly laugh that came with the role. Little did he know, he was about to be the target of a very determined group of first graders.
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