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Keyword: Mbe and Akidi (A Fablingverse Igbo Folktale about Tortoise)
Keywords: Mbe, Akidi, Igbo Folktale, Tortoise, Free Web Novel, Nigerian Story, Reincarnation, Doomed Love, Fated Love, Slice of Life.
Once upon a time in the animal kingdom, Nwunye Mbe, the tortoise’s wife, had grown tired of him. He never paid attention, never listened, and only came home when he was hungry, leaving immediately after he’d eaten.
Once, while she was sweeping the house, Mbe barged in, tracking mud across the clean floor. When she complained, he ignored her and asked what was for lunch. Another time, she returned from the farm carrying a heavy load of firewood and harvest. She saw Mbe on the way and expected him to help, but he walked ahead, warning, “If food is not ready, I’ll send you back to your father’s house!”
At first, she wondered if his behavior had worsened after the “bird issue” — that time the bird tricked her into placing all her breakables outside because Mbe had called himself Allofyou and eaten all their food at the sky kingdom — She hadn’t known it was a trap.
But then again, this was Mbe.
After guessing her name and marrying her, he had neglected her, married another wife, and repeated the same pattern. One by one, his other wives had left him. Only she remained out of love, or maybe it was habit. But Tortoise never changed. He treated his wives like property. He never listened, never learned.
Now, he had started coming home drunk. She begged him to stop. Instead, he cursed her, threatening to run away if she didn’t stop “nagging.”
Not knowing what else to do, she visited the dibia for advice.
The dibia’s face was grave. “Mbe has a pending case with the gods. If you, the only soul left who loves him, were to present him, he may be erased from existence.”
She returned home, defeated.
Then one day, she asked Mbe to go to the market to buy a tuber of yam, hoping that since he loved food, he could at least manage that. He returned with a gourd of palm wine instead, claiming he thought she had said “gourd.”
After drinking, he cried, “Agu na-agụ m! I am hungry!”
She sighed, gave him more money, and pleaded, “Please, Mbe, this time, buy yam.”
This time, he returned with sweet potatoes, which were hard to peel. She spent the night peeling them while Mbe hovered nearby, asking, “Are you done yet?”
The next morning, as she was leaving for the farm, Mbe stopped her.
“What of the money for what we’ll eat when you return?”
Biting back her anger, she handed it to him. “Mbe, my husband, please buy tomatoes and pepper for rice.”
When she came home, he had bought a live chicken.
“Chicken?!” she screamed. “What are we supposed to eat with chicken?!”
“What? When you’re always nagging, how am I supposed to hear you when you say something important?” Mbe shouted back.
“Me?! I nag?!” Her head twisted in disbelief. She tied her wrapper tighter, stormed off, and marched straight to the dibia’s shrine.
At the shrine, she finally broke down. Her heart poured out all the pain she had carried in silence. The dibia waited patiently, then gestured for her to sit.
“I’ve had enough!” she sobbed. “Is it a crime to love Mbe? He never listens. I say ‘A’, he does ‘J. I complain, he sleeps off, leaves the house, and returns drunk. And I’m the nag?”
She began pacing. “I welcomed his other wives. I even made peace with them. But what did Mbe do? He chased them all away. Now it’s just me. I want the gods to know. I did everything I could!”
The dibia gently touched her shoulder. “I can call on the gods for you,” he said. “But… do you truly want Mbe to die?”
“Die?” Her anger wavered. “Why would he die?”
“He has offended every god,” the dibia said. “You are the last string keeping him alive. If you hand him over, he will be erased.”
“No, o,” she said quickly. “I don’t want him to die. I just want him to listen, to take me seriously.”
“Then,” the dibia said, “you must pray to Ekwensu.”
She paused. “Isn’t he the mischievous one?”
“He is much more than mischief. He is the god of cunning, strategy, petty justice — and the only god amused by Mbe.”
“But won’t it backfire?” she asked, unsure. “People say his blessings twist.”
“And have you heard of any good person who was truly hurt by Ekwensu’s gifts?” the dibia asked.
She thought for a moment. “No.”
The dibia handed her a small carved arushi. “Place this in your shrine. Offer two cowries. Then speak your heart.”
When she got home, Mbe was waiting by the gate of the compound. For a moment, her heart softened. Maybe he had changed.
“You this woman!” Mbe shouted. “Where have you been? You’re not even fine, but you throw tantrums like a queen! I’ve been hungry for three hours! Isn’t cooking the only decent thing about you?”
And in that moment, her love for him crumbled like dried yams.
“You think I’ll chase you?” he added. “You no fine reach.”
She entered her room, ignored him, and did exactly as the dibia instructed.
She placed the arushi, dropped the cowries, and poured her heart out.
The moment she whispered her final wish, a heavy sleep fell on her. In her dream, a red-haired man appeared. He was beautiful, and his hair was the colour of blood and camwood dye.
“I have heard your desire,” he said. “And I have granted it. Tomorrow, go to Anansi’s third wife. Buy some Akidi. As long as you cook it, it will be irresistible. Serve it to Tortoise. The rest will fall into place.”
She awoke with the words ringing in her ears. The cowries had vanished. For a second, she thought Mbe had stolen them, but her dream told her otherwise.
When she stepped outside, she saw Mbe already causing a scene.
“Come and see o!” he cried. “My wicked wife starved me all through yesterday!”
Neighbours gathered. Not because they believed him. But because Mbe’s drama was a part of their regular show. Everybody thought he was a nuisance.
Still, they came.
They always did.
But Mbe’s wife walked past them all, her head held high, like she didn’t know who Mbe was.
When she arrived at Anansi’s third wife’s stall, she asked, “Nwanyi Anansi, do you have Akidi beans?”
Anansi’s third wife looked up, surprised. “You want to buy Akidi from me?” she gasped.
“I heard yours is the sweetest,” Mbe’s wife replied.
“Yes o,” the woman beamed. “How much will you be buying?”
“Just one cup.”
The beans were measured, packed, and the two women exchanged brief pleasantries before parting ways.
Back home, Tortoise was already waiting outside. For once, his wife had ignored his tantrums, and during her absence, Anansi had asked him if she, too, was preparing to leave him like the others.
When he saw her, Tortoise rushed forward. He wanted to embrace her, to say sorry. But instead, what came out was:
“So you’ve started ignoring your husband? I’ll send you back to your father’s house. Try me!”
She said nothing, entering the kitchen to clean and prepare the Akidi. Tortoise followed, pacing. Half-anxious, half-suspicious.
When the food was ready, she served it and took it to his obi. Tortoise followed, sniffing the aroma with reverence.
“What’s this?” he asked.
“Akidi,” she said.
He tasted it. “Delicious! Wow. Where did you get it?”
“Anansi’s third wife.”
Before she was halfway through her meal, Tortoise’s plate was empty.
“I need more,” he begged.
“I only bought one cup,” she replied.
“Only one cup for two people?!” he shouted.
She calmly handed him her plate. He grabbed and finished it in moments.
Then he looked up again. “Can’t you go to the market and buy some more?”
“Mbe, it’s getting late,” she replied, gathering the plates. He was still licking his.
“Please now,” he said, voice softening. “I promise I’ll behave.”
She blinked. So he knew he had been misbehaving?
She took a breath, remembering her prayer to Ekwensu. “If you can get to the market now and buy it, I’ll cook it again.”
Tortoise bolted out of the compound.
But at the market, he stood frozen. He knew he’d asked her the name, and she had even said who sold it, but… he hadn’t listened.
Just then, Anansi passed with his wife.
“Ha ha, Mbe,” Anansi laughed. “Why are you standing like a lost tortoise?”
Mbe looked up. Annoyed at first. Then hopeful. “My wife was here earlier. She bought some kind of beans, not regular beans. Do you know what it’s called? Or who sold it?”
Anansi looked at his wife, then at Mbe. He knew exactly what it was. But… he enjoyed messing with Mbe.
“No idea,” he shrugged. “Besides, the market’s closing. Maybe ask your wife tomorrow. This time… listen.”
Tortoise ran from stall to stall, hunting for the beans, but he couldn’t find them. And finally, the last stall closed.
He returned home, defeated, only to find his wife seated calmly in front of his obi.
“What are you waiting for?” he asked.
“Weren’t you going to buy the beans for me to cook?” she replied, arms folded.
Tortoise scoffed, unwilling to admit he hadn’t listened when she told him the name. For a moment, he considered blaming her for not saying it at all, but he knew his wife. She’d remind him throughout the night how he never listens.
“I lost interest in it,” he muttered.
“Okay. Kachifo.” She turned and walked into her hut.
Tortoise watched her go, then slowly sank to the ground, defeated.
That night, he dreamt of Akidi beans, bowls and bowls of it, just out of reach.
By morning, as his wife was heading to the farm, he dashed out.
“Will you buy the beans today?” he asked eagerly.
“Beans ke?” she blinked. “I’m going to the farm. When I return, I’ll make eba and egusi.”
Tortoise’s face fell. He liked egusi, but what he wanted was the beans.
She felt a little pity. “You know what? If you buy it today, I’ll cook it.”
“Thank you!” he beamed, already turning to leave. Then he paused. “Wait. What’s the name of the beans?”
“Akidi!” she shouted.
“Who sells it?”
“Anansi’s third wife!”
Tortoise stopped in his tracks. Anansi’s third wife? His eyes burned. So Anansi tricked me!
Fuming, he marched to Anansi’s compound.
At the entrance, Anansi’s third wife was leaving for the market. Tortoise ignored her and stormed into the obi.
“You knew I was looking for something your wife sells, and you didn’t say anything?! You watched me roam the market like a mad tortoise!”
He lunged to strike Anansi, but Anansi ducked and with four of his hands he sent four quick jabs into Tortoise’s face.
“Calm down,” Anansi said, helping him up. “Reflex. Sorry.”
Mbe slapped the hand away.
“Look, I have many wives,” Anansi continued. “And if I recall, you never mentioned your wife bought anything from my wife.”
Tortoise scowled. Anansi was right, but gods forbid he acknowledged it. He hissed and stomped off.
On the way to the market, he spotted the Princess riding an Elephant, fawning over him. Tortoise scoffed. She chose Elephant over me. She doesn’t know what she’s missing.
He hissed and moved on, determined. But by the time he got to the market… he had forgotten both the name of the beans and which wife sold them.
Grumbling, he returned home.
His wife had just arrived, arms full of firewood and yams.
She looked at him and sighed. “I’ll go and prepare the eba.”
“No! Wait!” Tortoise shouted. “What’s the name of the beans again?”
“Akidi.”
“Who sells it?”
“Anansi’s third wife.”
Off he ran again, singing as he went:
“Akidi, kilidi, kilidi, Akidi!”
But when he stood in front of Anansi’s third wife… he forgot the name.
“I want to buy…” he hesitated, staring at her. She really was beautiful. He wondered why Anansi’s wives hadn’t left him.
“What do you want?” she asked.
Tortoise looked around, confused. There were no black beans in her stall.
Anansi had passed by earlier and told his wife to hide the beans. He was enjoying the tortoise’s punishment.
When Tortoise tried to enter her stall to search, Anansi showed up again.
“Why are you harassing my wife?” he asked, arms crossed.
Defeated, Tortoise returned home and ate the eba and egusi his wife had prepared.
The next day, he begged again. But his wife said she had to attend the umu ada meeting and visit her people.
“Just tell me again. What’s the name of the beans?” he asked.
“Akidi.”
He dashed out singing:
“Akidi, kilidi, kilidi, Akidi!”
But on his way to the market… he hit a stone and immediately forgot.
He hurried back home to wait for his wife.
“Mbe, they served fufu and oha at the meeting. I brought some for you,” she said as she entered the compound.
Tortoise looked at her, tears forming in his eyes. “Please, I want to eat the beans,” he begged.
She sighed. “Okay. But I won’t tell you the name again. If you can remember and buy it, I’ll cook it.”
“Please!” Mbe pleaded, nearly kneeling.
“I’m exhausted, my legs hurt,” she said, rubbing her ankles.
Tortoise dragged a stool for her and started massaging her legs. “How are they now?”
“Getting better,” she replied. “But my neck hurts too.”
Tortoise rushed behind her to massage her neck.
“And my hands,” she added with a sly smile. “It’s what I cook with, after all.”
He massaged her hands with care. When he was done, he begged again, “Please, what’s the name of the beans?”
She smiled. “Akidi.”
“Akidi!” he shouted, then began to sing:
“Akidi, kilidi, kilidi, Akidi!”
As he reached the door, he froze. If he forgot again, he’d have to beg all over. The thought alone made him shudder. He grabbed a scrap of cloth and, using burnt charcoal from the house lamp, scratched a symbol to help him remember — thus, unknowingly inventing the ancient Igbo script of Nsibidi.
He rushed to the market, still singing his song.
When he got there, he had forgotten the name again. But he took out the cloth and handed it to Anansi’s third wife.
She glanced at it, instantly understanding, but deciding to tease him. “What’s this?” she asked with feigned confusion.
Tortoise panicked, eyes wide. He snatched the cloth back, looked at it again, and suddenly remembered.
“AKIDI!” he shouted.
Anansi’s third wife smiled. “You’re lucky. I was just about to close my stall.”
Tortoise stood stunned for a second. He had finally remembered. “I got the name right?”
“Yes, you did.” She smiled. “How much do you want to buy?”
“One basin!” he declared.
She blinked. “An entire basin?”
“Yes!” Tortoise replied, pulling cash from beneath his shell and handing it to her.
She gave him the basin full of Akidi, and he balanced it on his head, walking home like a victorious warrior carrying his spoils.
His wife smiled when she saw him. She cooked the Akidi, and Tortoise ate till his heart was full, never seeming to tire of it.
“If you keep acting more loving, I’ll keep making Akidi for you,” she said.
Tortoise nodded, promising to be a better husband.
But we all know Mbe. He couldn’t keep that promise.
After the pot finished, he was back to his old ways. When his wife refused to cook the beans again, he tried making it himself, but it never tasted the same. So he repented, begged, did the laundry, and massaged her feet until she forgave him and cooked it again.
And so the cycle continued.
Till today, Mbe is still trying to discover the secret behind his wife’s Akidi.
The End
Did you Enjoy Mbe and Akidi (A Fablingverse Igbo Folktale)? You may also enjoy Egbere: Keeping The Mat ( Bush Baby )
Igbo to English Lyrics Translation to Ka Esi Le Onye Isi Oche (Gwo Gwo Gwo Ngwo Song) by Gentleman, Mike Ejeagha
Keywords: Igbo to English Lyrics Translation, Ka Esi Le Onye Isi Oche, Gwo Gwo Gwo Ngwo Song, Gentleman, Mike Ejeagha, How Tortoise Sold Elephant. An Igbo folksong, Nigerian Folktales, African, Tortoise Tales, Malice, Read Free Stories online, Fantasy, FablingPam, Fablingverse, Igbo to English Translation.
Lyrics
Chorus Intro:
Nnam eze, a kpàtà m enyi
My father, king, I have bought and brought Elephant.
Nnam eze, a kpàtà m enyi
My father, king, I have bought and brought Elephant.
Nwa mbè
Little Tortoise
Isi na-i kpàta onye?
You said you brought who?
Nwa mbè
Little Tortoise
Isi na-i kpàta onye?
You said you brought who?
Na asịm Ani ya dèbe enyi chebe enyi
I told Ani to take care of and protect Elephant.
Ọ dị ka asị na-m kpàtà m enyi
It sounded like I said that I have bought and brought Elephant.
Na asịm Ani ya dụbe enyi chebe enyi
I told Ani to take care of and protect Elephant.
Ọ dị ka asị na-m kpàtà m enyi
It sounded like I said that I have bought and brought Elephant.
Okwá enyi ga-abụ isi oche
Is it not Elephant that will become chairman?
Okwá enyi ga-abụ isi oche
Is it not Elephant that will become chairman?
Enyi na-agá n’ányị so gị n’azụ
Elephant, be going, we are behind you.
Enyi na-agá n’ányị so gị n’azụ
Elephant, be going, we are behind you.
Na asịm Ani ya jebe enyi chebe enyi
I told Ani to go before and protect Elephant.
Ọ dị ka asị na-m kpàtà m enyi
It sounded like I said that I have bought and brought Elephant.
Na asịm Ani ya jebe enyi chebe enyi
I told Ani to go before and protect Elephant.
Ọ dị ka asị na-m kpàtà m enyi
It sounded like I said that I have bought and brought Elephant.
Okwá enyi ga-abụ isi oche
Is it not Elephant that will become chairman?
Okwá enyi ga-abụ isi oche
Is it not Elephant that will become chairman?
Enyi na-agá n’ányị so gị n’azụ
Elephant, be going, we are behind you.
Enyi na-agá n’ányị so gị n’azụ
Elephant, be going, we are behind you.
Gwo Gwo Gwo Ngwo
Gwo Gwo Gwo Ngwo
Gwo Gwo Gwo Ngwo
Gwo Gwo Gwo Ngwo
I ge nti,
If you listen,
Gwo Gwo Gwo Ngwo
Ị ga-anụ ka e si we le onye isi oche
You will hear how they sold the head of the chair.
Gwo Gwo Gwo Ngwo
Nke a na-akpọ chairman.
The one they call chairman.
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Chorus:
Nnam eze, a kpàtà m enyi
My father, king, I have bought and brought Elephant,
Nnam eze, a kpàtà m enyi
My father, king, I have bought and brought Elephant.
Nwa mbè
Little Tortoise
Isi na-i kpàta onye?
You said you brought who?
Nwa mbè
Little Tortoise
Isi na-i kpàta onye?
You said you brought who?
Na asịm Ani ya dụbe enyi chebe enyi
I told Ani to keep and protect Elephant.
Ọ dị ka asị na-m kpàtà m enyi
It sounded like I said that I have bought and brought Elephant.
Na asịm Ani ya dụbe enyi chebe enyi
I told Ani to keep and protect Elephant.
Ọ dị ka asị na-m kpàtà m enyi
It sounded like I said that I have bought and brought Elephant.
Okwá enyi ga-abụ isi oche
Is it not Elephant that will become chairman?
Okwá enyi ga-abụ isi oche
Is it not Elephant that will become chairman?
Enyi na-agá n’ányị so gị n’azụ
Elephant, be going, we are behind you.
Enyi na-agá n’ányị so gị n’azụ
Elephant, be going, we are behind you.
Na asịm Ani ya jebe enyi chebe enyi
I told Ani to go before and protect Elephant.
Ọ dị ka asị na-m kpàtà m enyi
It sounded like I said that I have bought and brought Elephant.
Na asịm Ani ya dụbe enyi chebe enyi
I told Ani to keep and protect Elephant.
Ọ dị ka asị na-m kpàtà m enyi
It sounded like I said that I have bought and brought Elephant.
Enyi na-agá n’ányị so gị n’azụ
Elephant, be going, we are behind you.
Enyi na-agá n’ányị so gị n’azụ
Elephant, be going, we are behind you.
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Verse 1:
Adaeze ka di biakataru, biakataru, biakataru,
It’s Ada the suitors came for, came for, and came for.
Onye enu bia,
The person from the sky came,
Onye ani bia,
The person from the ground came,
O jụ.
She refused.
Anụ enu abịa,
The animal from the sky came,
Anụ ani abịa,
The animal from the earth came,
O jụ.
She refused.
O wee luo ụfọ ụbọchị, nna ya wee kpoo ya, Adaeze,
Then one day her father called her, Adaeze.
Kpoo ya, kpoo nne ya, kpoo ụmụ ya, ndị ọzọ.
Called her, called her mother, called all her other relatives,
Wee sị ya kedi ife kpataranu.
And asked her, what has brought about her rejection of suitors.
Di nke izizi abịa,
The first suitor came,
I jụ.
You refused.
Nke abụọ abịa,
The second came,
I jụ.
You refused.
Nke atọ abịa,
The third came,
I jụ.
You refused.
Nke anọ abịa,
The fourth came,
I jụ.
You refused.
Na ya chọ ka umunne ya niile,
That he wants all her relatives,
Na onye be soro ka fa juo ya ajuju.
So that her family can join and ask her,
“O na-adikwanu mma anọkata?”
Is it not good to get married?
Onye isi nwe ụlọ, ọ bụ nna,
The head of the house, who is the father,
Okpokọo nne,
Called the mother,
Kpọkọọ ụmụaka.
Called the children.
Faa niile agbako, nwe nzukọ,
All of them gathered and held a meeting.
Onye ọ bụla ekwe ihe na-ebu ya,
Everybody spoke their minds.
Onye ọ bụla ekwu uche ya.
Everybody shared what was in their hearts.
Maka na ọ na-amaka,
Because it is good,
Ebe a ka ụmụaka na onwe fa na-agọta onwe fa,
It is then that the children themselves began to understand themselves.
Nee, ana-agọta nna, ana-agọta nne,
The father began to understand, and the mother began to understand.
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Ka o nweziri nzukọ faa nwere,
Because of the meeting that they had.
Oge ahụ ka Adaeze ji mepee ọnụ,
That was when Adaeze opened her mouth,
Wee sị na onye ọbuna bụ onye ga-anụ ya,
And said that whoever marries her,
Na ọ ga-akpọtarịrị enyi,
Must purchase an elephant,
Ka ọ ga-abụ enwe emume a na-eme na be fa,
So that when there is any ceremony in their town,
Ka ya ligoro elu enyi ya na-agagharị.
She will climb Elephant and parade around.
Ama kwa na ya bụ Adaeze.
So that everybody knows that she is Adaeze.
Chorus:
Nnam eze, a kpàtà m enyi
My father, king, I have bought and brought Elephant
Nnam eze, a kpàtà m enyi
My father, king, I have bought and brought Elephant
Nwa mbè
Little Tortoise
Isi na-i kpàta onye?
You said you brought who?
Nwa mbè
Little Tortoise
Isi na-i kpàta onye?
You said you brought who?
Na a yịm Ani ya dụbe enyi chebe enyi
I begged Ani to take care of and protect elephant
Ọ dị ka asị na-m kpàtà m enyi
It sounded like I said that I have bought and brought elephant
Na asịm Ani ya jebe enyi chebe enyi
I told Ani to go before and protect elephant
Ọ dị ka asị na-m kpàtà m enyi
It sounded like I said that I have bought and brought elephant
Okwá enyi ga-abụ isi oche
Is it not elephant that will become chairman?
Okwá enyi ga-abụ isi oche
Is it not elephant that will become chairman?
Enyi na-agá n’ányị so gị n’azụ
Elephant, be going, we are behind you.
Enyi na-agá n’ányị so gị n’azụ
Elephant, be going, we are behind you.
Na asịm Ani ya jebe enyi chebe enyi
I told Ani to go before and protect elephant
Ọ dị ka asị na-m kpàtà m enyi
It sounded like I said that I have bought and brought elephant
Na asịm Ani ya dụbe enyi chebe enyi
I told Ani to keep and protect elephant
Ọ dị ka asị na-m kpàtà m enyi
It sounded like I said that I have bought and brought elephant
Okwá enyi ga-abụ isi oche
Is it not elephant that will become chairman?
Okwá enyi ga-abụ isi oche
Is it not elephant that will become chairman?
Enyi na-agá n’ányị so gị n’azụ
Elephant, be going, we are behind you.
Enyi na-agá n’ányị so gị n’azụ
Elephant, be going, we are behind you.
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Verse 2:
Oge a na-ekwu ifa niile,
When they were discussing all these things,
Mbe na onwe ejego.
Tortoise himself had gone.
Okwu ya bụ nwataakịrị nwaanyị,
To ask for the hand of this female child.
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Achụ a ya ụkwụ elu ana.
And overheard the discussion.
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Mbe na enyi bụ ezigbo enyi,
Tortoise and Elephant were great friends.
Mbe wee kụlịe wee jebe na ebe enyi,
Tortoise stood up and went to Elephant’s place,
Wee jee gwa enyi, sị ya na Eze ga agbakwanu ofala.
Went to tell Elephant that the king will soon hold the Ofala festival.
Eze ga agba ofala, Eze sikwu ya si enyi si, na ọ gi ga-abụ onye isi oche.
The king will hold the Ofala festival, and he (The king) said that he should tell Elephant that it is you who will be the chairman.
Enyi wee sị mbe, ya kwụkene ife ọ kwụrụ ọzọ.
Elephant then told Tortoise to say what he said again.
O sị ya na Eze sị ya ge zị enyi na ya ga agba ofala,
He (Tortoise) said that the king told him to go and tell Elephant he will hold the Ofala festival,
Na ndi bu enyi ga-abụ onye isi oche.
And those who are elephants will be the chairman.
Ya na, ụbọchị aga-eme ya ife,
That on that day, this will happen,
Ya achọkwa ka, ka achọ ya achọ,
He (Tortoise) does not want Elephant to be missing,
Na ọ ga-ebunye kwa ndị ga-abịa oji.
Because he (Elephant) will present kola nuts to those who come.
Enyi nụlia nụlia nụ lịchachacha sia,
Elephant was filled with joy,
Maka na ọ na-achọ ụzọ ọ ga-esi ruo na bee Eze nso,
Because he was looking for the day he would get to the king’s palace,
Ka ọma ma ọ ga-enwe ike jee kuo ada Eze ilu.
And he knew that this would be his (Elephant’s) opportunity to ask for the princess’s hand in marriage.
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Chorus:
Nnam eze, a kpàtà m enyi
My father, king, I have bought and brought Elephant
Nnam eze, a kpàtà m enyi
My father, king, I have bought and brought Elephant
Nwa mbè
Little Tortoise
Isi na-i kpàta onye?
You said you brought who?
Nwa mbè
Little Tortoise
Isi na-i kpàta onye?
You said you brought who?
Na a sim Ani ya jebe enyi chebe enyi
I told Ani to go before and protect elephant
Ọ dị ka asị na-m kpàtà m enyi
It sounded like I said that I have bought and brought elephant
Na a sịm Ani ya dube enyi chebe enyi
I told Ani to keep and protect elephant
Ọ dị ka asị na-m kpàtà m enyi
It sounded like I said that I have bought and brought elephant
Okwá enyi ga-abụ isi oche
Is it not elephant that will become chairman?
Okwá enyi ga-abụ isi oche
Is it not elephant that will become chairman?
Enyi na-agá n’ányị so gị n’azụ
Elephant, be going, we are behind you.
Enyi na-agá n’ányị so gị n’azụ
Elephant, be going, we are behind you.
Na a sịm Ani ya dube enyi chebe enyi
I told Ani to keep and protect elephant
Ọ dị ka asị na-m kpàtà m enyi
It sounded like I said that I have bought and brought elephant
Na asịm Ani ya dụbe enyi chebe enyi
I told Ani to keep and protect elephant
Ọ dị ka asị na-m kpàtà m enyi
It sounded like I said that I have bought and brought elephant
Okwá enyi ga-abụ isi oche
Is it not elephant that will become chairman?
Okwá enyi ga-abụ isi oche
Is it not elephant that will become chairman?
Enyi na-agá n’ányị so gị n’azụ
Elephant, be going, we are behind you.
Enyi na-agá n’ányị so gị n’azụ
Elephant, be going, we are behind you.
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Verse 3:
Ka fa kparisịrị ya bụ nkata.
As they finished discussing the matter,
Mbe na enyi,
Tortoise and Elephant,
Mbe wee naba,
Tortoise then returned,
Wee jee ga gwa eze,
And went to tell the king,
Sị a na ụbọchị ọ ga-abịa nkwu Ada.
Saying that the next day he will come for Ada’s hand.
Eze wee sị ya, udi Ada ya kwụ.
The king then told him what Ada had said.
Mbe wee sị ya ye ekwusikwanịa ike,
Tortoise then told him not to talk too much,
Ya biazia,
That when he comes,
Ife ya furu o welu.
What he sees, he should take,
Ka chi ụbọsi elusịa.
When that day reached
Mbe wee jekwuru enyi,
Tortoise then went to Elephant,
Tupu ọ jee na be enyi chị agbaghọchara sigo.
Before going to Elephant’s place, that day had almost ended.
Anwu ekisibego Ike,
The sun has lost its power.
Enyi si ya mbe, “Ka isi I we na abịa kita?”
Elephant asked Tortoise, “Why are you coming at this time?”
Ebe wa si na ya ga-abụ isi oche ka
Considering they said I would be the chairman,
Oga abụ ebe ya lugo oburu na ya ejero na oge,
It is that when the time comes it will be that I did not go there on time.
Kedu ife ina-eme?
What are you doing?
Mbe si ya, “Gba nkiti,
Tortoise replied, “Please endure.
Gba nkiti, fa ga ejesi Ike,”
Endure, we will hurry there.”
Enyi si ya ngwa, ngwa, ngwa, “Ya kwado ka fa jebe ejebe,”
Elephant said, “Quickly, quickly, quickly, prepare so that we can start going.”
Na otogo eri ụtụtụ ka ya yi si akwa yikwalishasha sia na eche ya ka ọ bịa,
That he has worn his clothes since morning and has been waiting a long time for him (Tortoise) to arrive.
Mbe si ya, “Na oburu na ije,
Tortoise told him that if it’s not for the long journey.
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Ka faa na ejezi na ụzọ,”
That they are going by road.
Enyi si mbe, “Ya gasibe Ike,
Elephant said to Tortoise, “Go with strength,
Gasibe Ike, na fa adịghị ejesi kwanu Ike na fa,
Go with strength; we have not gone far enough to be tired.
Ka fa anokwa u na ụzọ ife me ne me ndi mmadụ anasia,”
Let them continue on the road, and what will happen will happen, and everybody will go home.
Wa buru na fa ejekwutero ya bụ ife,
Let them continue on the road that everybody has gone home.
Enyi na fe ku
After Elephant spoke
Mbe wee kpoo enyi, “Si a na oma na ukwu nke ya bụ enyi kari nke ya, ogonogo ogayata ya na echetuna na nwa ntiti,”
Tortoise then called Elephant and said, “You know that your legs are that of an elephant and are longer than mine by far.
Enyi wee kpoo mbe, “Si na ya ama echizikwa ya na ya ga na agasi Ike,”
Elephant then called Tortoise and said, “I know that, so I will try to walk gently.”
Mbe wee si enyi, “Ya biko kaya rigoro na azu ya nu,”
Tortoise then said to Elephant, “Please, let me climb on your back.”
Enyi wee si ya, “Ga rigoro na azu ya, ya ga si ike.”
Elephant then said to him, “Climb on my back, do it faxt”
Ya mee osiso, Rigoro na azu ya ka faa jego osiso,”
He should hurry up and climb on his back so that we may go faster.
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Mbe amagoluo mee ukwu tikom, tikom, tikom,
Tortoise climbed on Elephant’s back, making the sound, ‘tikom, tikom, tikom,’ with his legs.
Ka omahoro na azu enyi,
As he climbed on Elephant’s back,
Owee kpoo enyi, “Si ya na o fugo na ukwu ya,
He then called Elephant, “That he can see his (Elephant) legs.
Toro ogologo nke ya Imago na azu ya bu enyi,”
Are way longer than his and not long enough for him to climb and sit on Elephant’s back.
Biko ka ya weru eriri a ya ji na aka wee kedo enyi na olu ka ọ bụrụ ya bu na ejide ya aka na elugo azu enyi ka ọ wee fa a ga.”
Please, let me use this rope in my hands and tie it around your neck so that I can hold it behind you and sit comfortably on your back so that we can go.
Enyi sị ya, “Nke ị na-eme, mee ya osisi ka fa jebe ejebe na oge na fa aga.”
Elephant said, “Whatever you do, do it quickly, so that we can be going,
Mbe we welu ụdọ onu, we kede enyi na olu elugonu na azu enyi, nodu ani
Tortoise then took the big rope and tied it around Elephant’s neck, climbed on Elephant’s back, and sat down
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Ya na a kwu jebe si bee Eze nso
And as they approached Eze’s place.
Mbe wee wenyu unu.
Tortoise began to smile.
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Chorus
Nnam eze, a kpàtà m enyi
My father, king, I have bought and brought Elephant
Nnam eze, a kpàtà m enyi
My father, king, I have bought and brought Elephant
Enyi si ya, Isi gi ni?
Elephant asked him, “You said what?”
Nwa mbè
Little Tortoise
Isi na-i kpàta onye?
You said you brought who?
Nwa mbè
Little Tortoise
Isi na-i kpàta onye?
You said you brought who?
Mbe si ya mba
Tortoise told him, “No.”
Na a sim Ani ya jebe enyi chebe enyi
I told Ani to go before and protect elephant
Ọ dị ka asị na-m kpàtà m enyi
It sounded like I said that I have bought and brought elephant
Na a sim Ani ya jebe enyi chebe enyi
I told Ani to go before and protect elephant
Ọ dị ka asị na-m kpàtà m enyi
It sounded like I said that I have bought and brought elephant
Okwá enyi ga-abụ isi oche
Is it not elephant that will become chairman?
Okwá enyi ga-abụ isi oche
Is it not elephant that will become chairman?
Enyi na-agá n’ányị so gị n’azụ
Elephant, be going, we are behind you.
Enyi na-agá n’ányị so gị n’azụ
Elephant, be going, we are behind you.
Na a sim Ani ya jebe enyi chebe enyi
I told Ani to go before and protect elephant
Ọ dị ka asị na-m kpàtà m enyi
It sounded like I said that I have bought and brought elephant
Na asịm Ani ya dụbe enyi chebe enyi
I told Ani to keep and protect elephant
Ọ dị ka asị na-m kpàtà m enyi
It sounded like I said that I have bought and brought elephant
Okwá enyi ga-abụ isi oche
Is it not elephant that will become chairman?
Okwá enyi ga-abụ isi oche
Is it not elephant that will become chairman?
Enyi na-agá n’ányị so gị n’azụ
Elephant, be going, we are behind you.
Enyi na-agá n’ányị so gị n’azụ
Elephant, be going, we are behind you.
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Fe a ka enyi dugajide wee ebe ọ na-eduga sia.
That is how Elephant trudged on, accompanying him.
Wee jee gwo gwo gwo gwo gwo nke onye ga-abụ Isi Oche, Chairman.
Going ‘gwo gwo gwo gwo gwo’ like someone who would be Chairman.
Eze welu, em…
The king took…
Mbe we luru na ebe Adaeze.
Mbe then reached Adaeze’s place.
Wee were ụdọ onu o jị na aka wee nye Eze na aka.
And he took the big rope which he was holding and placed it in the King’s hand.
Sị ya na ife a bụ ihe ọ ga-eji lụọ Ada ya nwaanyị.
Telling him that this is what he will use to marry his first daughter.
Ya bụ, ndị be anyị,
That is, our people,
Unu ga-ama na,
You should know that,
Onye m dugaara m na ozi na n’efu,
My friend asked me to accompany them on an errand for free,
Ya bụ, ị ga-edukwara mmadụ na ozi,
That is, if you will escort someone on an errand,
Uche gị dịkwa na ya.
Your mind should be in it.
Gwo gwo gwo ngwo
Chorus (Fade):
Nnam eze, a kpàtà m enyi
My father, king, I have bought and brought Elephant.
Nnam eze, a kpàtà m enyi
My father, king, I have bought and brought Elephant.
Nwa mbè
Little Tortoise
Isi na-i kpàta onye?
You said you brought who?
Nwa mbè
Little Tortoise
Isi na-i kpàta onye?
You said you brought who?
Na asịm Ani ya dèbe enyi chebe enyi
I told Ani to take care of and protect Elephant.
Ọ dị ka asị na-m kpàtà m enyi
It sounded like I said that I have bought and brought Elephant.
Na asịm Ani ya dụbe enyi chebe enyi
I told Ani to take care of and protect Elephant.
Ọ dị ka asị na-m kpàtà m enyi
It sounded like I said that I have bought and brought Elephant.
If you enjoyed reading Igbo to English Lyrics Translation to Ka Esi Le Onye Isi Oche (Gwo Gwo Gwo Ngwo Song) by Gentleman, Mike Ejeagha, you may enjoy THE TALE OF OMEKAGU – LYRICS Another banging folk song by Gentleman, Mike Ejeagha.
Mbe, the tortoise and the rich man.
Keywords: Mbe the tortoise and the rich man: Igbo Folktale, Anansi vs Mbe, tortoise folk tale, Anansi the spider, the rich man, the poor looking rich man, ijapa, Fabling, Pam
Once upon a time in the land of folktales, Mbe, the Tortoise, decided it was time to marry. He had become a farmer, and the only way he could get his crops sold in the market was if he had a wife, as that was the rule of the land. Women without husbands could not own farmlands, and men without wives could not own market stalls. Even thoughthe tortoise needed a wife to gain permission to sell his goods at the market, he did not want a wife from his village, because all the women in his village knew him to be poor, lazy, cunning, sneaky, smart, vindictive, uncultured, and wise, and so they did not want to marry him.
At that time, there was also a rich man from Mbe’s village who also needed a wife. But he was so rich that everybody knew he was rich and wanted a piece of his wealth, so he did not feel comfortable with marrying a from his village.
Realising that they could not marry from their village, both the rich man and Mbe the Tortoise set out to a faraway village to find wives. Mbe alone, and the rich man with his entourage. On their way, they both ran into each other and exchanged greetings.
After greeting each other Mbe asked the rich man where he was heading. Mbe already knew where the rich man was heading. Mbe had planned his journey to coincide with that of the rich man. The rich man told him that he was on his way to find a wife, and Mbe said. “Oh, what a coincidence, me too.”
The rich man and Mbe began talking until they got to the point of the conversation that Mbe wanted. Mbe askedthee rich man why he was going to a different town to find a wife, and the rich man told him. Then Mbe said, “But if you go into the new village looking like a rich man, won’t the women there also know you are rich and marry you for your money?”
The rich man panicked, so Mbe continued, “Why don’t we exchange clothes? If you go in looking like a man dressed in rags to have such a rich-looking entourage?” The rich man had not realised this; he asked Tortoise to suggest what he could do with them, and the tortoise had an answer. “I’m already dressed like you; you could give them to me, and I’ll handle them till you return.” The rich man agreed and handed his entourage over to Mbe. Then they continued on their journey, but now the rich man was alone, dressed in rags, and had a load of bride price that only he could not carry.
“People in the new village will be suspicious if a man who looks like you do comes to marry their daughter bearing all these; why don’t I take them?” The rich man agreed and gave the tortoise his bride price, and the tortoise gave him his. And now there was nothing left to take from the rich man, so they both continued on their journey.
When they got to the village, the people flocked around the tortoise and dismissed the poor-looking rich man. The tortoise did not have to sell himself; his wealthy appearance sold him. Once he announced he had come looking for a wife, everybody offered him their daughters, and he got to pick the most pleasing looking women. He even found a female tortoise willing to marry him. By the end of the time night came, the tortoise had married 50 wives.
The rich man, on the other hand, had terrible luck. When he announced why he had come, the villagers dispersed and hid their daughters from him, he went from house to house asking, even begging for a wife, but everybody turned him back. Then he came upon a field where a woman was harvesting some crop. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He asked her why she had not gone to marry Tortoise, and she laughed and told him that she was not interested in being the fifty-first wife of a man who was overly reliant on his wealth. He asked her if he could help her harvest her crops, and she said yes. While working togetherthehe rich man and the woman started talking, and during their conversation, it slipped that he was a rich man. She was not as surprised as he had expected, and she told him that she could sense that there was something different about him. So she asked him why he had fallen for the tortoise’s trick.
“Anansi.” The rich man said. “While I was planning my journey, Anansi the spider came to tell me that Mbe the tortoise had confided in him that he would trick me into letting him come to the village as me and me going as him, and they had made a bet about it. Anansi had bet that I would not fall for the trick, and he was right, I would not fall for it, but he also had a lesson he wanted to teach tortoise for something tortoise had done to him, so he came to me with another deal, and told me to go into the village as a poor man and let Mbe go in as a rich man, and if at the end of the day I could not find a wife as a poor man, then I could strip Mbe of my wealth once we left the village, retrieve my entourage and head to another village.”
After listening to the poor man, the woman laughed and asked him if he was still looking for a wife. He said yes, and so she took him to her parents. At first, her parents refused and insisted that she marry Mbe, but when she would not change her mind, they agreed to let her marry the poor-looking rich man. Their marriage happened at the same time that Mbe’s marriage to the 50 women happened, and the women getting married to Mbe made it a point to laugh at her. They even used her to cheer up their friends who were not picked by Mbe, saying, ‘At least you are not getting married to the poorest man in the world.”
The rich man got angry at them for making fun of his wife and almost demanded that the tortoise return his wealth, but the woman stopped him with a mischievous smile. After the wedding, they all went in with their wives, and while in bed with his new wife, the rich man asked, “What if I lied to you, and I am actually not rich?”
His wife replied. “Then at least I got married to a person I can have a good conversation with for the rest of my life, and my life will not be boring.”
Reassured, they consummated their marriage and went to sleep.
In Mbe’s quarters, Mbe lined up his fifty wives and consummated his marriage with all of themtoto prevent them from leaving him when the truth was revealed. He worked so hard through the night that by the time morning came, he had become so skinny that the rich man’s attire could no longer fit him.
When the rich man woke up, he told his wife he was going to get his wealth from the tortoise so they could head home, but she stopped him, saying, “If truly you are a rich man, and the tortoise is poor, won’t his fifty wives refuse to follow him?” So they journeyed to the rich man’s home,e while the tortoise journeyed to his own home, carried by the rich man’s entourage as he had rendered himselparalyseded. And his fifty wives trailed them.
When they arrived at the village, the people were shocked to see the rich man looking poor and asked him if he had been robbed, but he explained that the tortoise had convinced him that he would not find a good wife if he went there looking rich. He greeted Anansi and thanked him for the tip, then they waited for the tortoise to arrive.
Tortoise’s arrival was met with laughter from the village. His wives were rowdy and proud and unaware. They thought the villagers had gathered to welcome their richest man. But when the entourage spotted their master, they stripped the tortoise of the rich man’s clothes and dropped him. Then they returned to their master’s side with his wealth. The rich man got changed and handed Mbe his clothing to the shock of his new wives.
The rich man said thank you to Tortoise, then returned to his mansion with his wife.
The tortoise was distraught. Being surrounded by wealth, he had forgotten that he was poor, and now that his new wives realised what he had done, they were so angry that they refused to let him touch them.
Anansi congratulated the tortoise on winning the bet and acquiring fifty wives, and the tortoise thanked him for telling the rich man about their bet. He said to Anansi. “I knew you would try to teach me a lesson with this, but you see, women do not like to suffer. Now I have fifty wives who will have children, work for me, and make me a comfortable man.”
Anansi was lost for words, so he walked away.
Tortoise’s new wives were all angry at first, but seeing as they had come a long way from home, and everybody at home thought they had married a rich man, they decided towork harderr and become rich in the new village. Of the fifty, only 10 became pregnant; the forty who did not become pregnant returned their bride price and found new husbands, but with just the 10 who remained, working hard for their survival, Mbe tortoise could finally become the laziest version of himself. This is why till date, you will still see tortoises lazing around in his house and never bothering to work hard.
The End
Mbe The Tortoise and The Rich Man
——————————————————
Not the ending you were expecting, right? I find that Mbe, also known as Ijapa (‘i’t ‘ja’cket kpa) to the Yorubas in Nigeria, and Anansi, the God of stories from Ghana, share similar stories. While Anansi’s tales tend to explain life’s concepts, Tortoise’s tales tend to show either the importance or the consequence of being too cunning or smart. Lol, that was me just being a folktale geek for a second. You can check out our Anansi vs Mbe category for more folk tales involving the two wise guys, or you can go down the rabbit hole of the Fablingverse’s many story worlds. You are welcome to spend forever here.
The Day The Gods Answered
Keywords: The Day The Gods Answered, Free to read, short story, Humour, Throlling, Fablingverse
Once in a while, in the Fablingverse, the gods get together and draw a raffle lot with every creature’s prayers. When a creature’s name is picked, irrespective of the motive behind their prayers, it would be answered. And that time had come, and this time, a human from Earth 1 was the winner.
Bidemi had been indoors all day, playing Neverwinter when PHCN took the light. He was just about to enter the dungeon at — with his teammates, he looked up and said, “God Why? Please, let them bring back the light!” But the light did not come back on.
He got up to get some food from the fridge despite knowing there was no food in it and prayed. “God, please let there be food in there.” But when he opened it, it was empty.
He went to his sitting room and turned on the television to Netflix, and it had expired. He looked up and prayed, “God, A million dollars in my account would be nice,” but he did not alert.
He picked up his phone and dialled his friend’s number to ask for some money, but his friend said, “Sorry,y guy, Owu dey blow me, the poverty is real bro.” Then he prayed for Bidemi “, God will provide for us.”
Bidemi said Amen. Then lay on his bed, but he needed to eat some food, so he got up and went to the restroom, but had difficulty peeing, so even though he knew he would get no answer, he prayed. “God, please let it not be an STI.”
He didn’t even wash his hands when he left the restroom, and he went to his house to wait for a food hawker. But there was none, so he prayed again, “God please, if not anything, please just let agroundnutt hawker appear.”
And that was it. A groundnut hawker appeared. Bidemi saw the groundnut hawker appear too and realised that the gods were alive, and they had been listening to him all day. He realised that he had made a mistake. He should have asked for something else. He prayed, “Go,d please, not that prayer, please, a car, plea,se I need a car.” But no car appeared.
The groundnut seller was walking. He he shouted, “Groundnut! Wait, please!” Then he went back to praying, “Okay, okay, God please, please 1 million Naira, just one million Naira.”
He prayed, and he prayed,d and the gods of the Fablingverse laughed. That was the sole point of the raffle, entertainment for the gods during the once-in-a-while meeting.
————-
Don’t you just hate it when a mundane prayer gets answered? Want to read about somebody else being trolled by life? Check out The Night He Lost
Comparing Sizes
Keywords: Comparing Sizes – Romance, Free Short Story, Skill, Size, Sex, orgasm ever after, Fabling, Pam
It was none of her business; this was not a story she should be involved with. But the two men had made it a thing, arguing about their size and sexual prowess in class, but since they were comparing sizes, she had to know the winner.
Jessica was in year 2 at the University of Ibadan studying law. She had been sheltered her whole life, without an obstacle to climb or friend to hate. She was the definition of rich and privileged, but the easy life had made her Jaded. Then there was her boyfriend, Tony. It was an arranged relationship; he was a year above her, studying law and was bound to join her parents’ law firm when he was done.
She stared at the two boys, Chidi and Dare, wondering how she could get to them; they would be quite easy. She thought, what other reason would they advertise themselves if not to get a customer? Chidi stayed in her building, and Dare stayed in Tony’s building. Tony had a lifestyle that required him to frolic around with other women, and she was okay with it. He had made it clear to her from day one. She did not care since she felt nothing for him; she was also not interested in dating anybody, so technically, she had been faithful since they started dating.
She plugged in her earpiece, then walked to Dare, the boy who had argued that size mattered less than skills, yet firmly trying to establish his size was awe-inducing. “Hey, can I borrow your note?” She asked.
“I didn’t copy it.” He answered.
“Too bad.” She muttered, then turned to Chidi. “You also didn’t copy your note?”
“Of all the people in this class, why our notes?” Chidi asked.
“I was going to judge your argument by the state of your notes.” She smirked and walked out of the lecture hall.
“Hey, Jessica.” She turned to see Temi chasing her.
“Temi.”
“Don’t do it.” He said.
“What?”
“Don’t have sex with those idiots.”
She wanted to lie that she wasn’t planning to. But she was also curious about his reaction. Temi was the first friend she made in school, and on some occasions, she had caught herself catching feelings for him, but he was from a poor him and she knew her parents would not approve of her breaking up with Tony for him, and she was not ready to leave the privileged life. “Why shouldn’t I?” She asked.
He was flustered, but he got himself back. “They are blabbermouths. The whole school will hear about it, including Tony.”
“I don’t care about what Tony hears.” She retorted.
Just then, they spotted Tony walking towards them with a girl clutching his arm.
“Jessica, Temi.” Tony nodded a greeting.
“Arranged husband.” She greeted.
Tony smiled and continued walking.
“Now I really want to check their sizes.” She muttered.
“How about I show you?” Temi suggested.
“What?” She asked.
“Size and skill, what if I showed they worked?” He asked. “There is really no need to be involved with those guys.”
She knew she should say no. Temi was a good friend; she could not affordto catchg feelings for her. Plus, she already knew how size worked. She and Tony once had sex. It was only good for ramming into her. She made noises, yes, but it was due to the discomfort of being rammed into. She had had sex with someone before Tony; it was her first, and it was a miserable ramming fest,t too. Skill was something she had never experienced;d, she did not know what it was. “Okay.” She said.
He did not expect her to agree. “Wait, you said okay?”
“Yes. Let’s head to my place now.”
Temi was flustered, he was shocked that the agreed and afraid that he had hyped himself and might not be able to deliver.
When they got to her place, Jessica asked him to join her in the shower since they had both been out all day. She was trying to also reduce the tension, and it worked. After the bath, he seemed to have relaxed and was ready to show her the mystical thing called skills. And he was skilled. Every part of her body felt good. There was ramming; it turns out it cannot be avoided, but this time it felt good. Temi was not as big as Tony, but Temi felt better inside her. She shivered and buckled, and they both orgasmed together.
It left her feeling confused; now she wanted to own him. To keep every woman away from him. “Hey Temi, are you awake?” She turned to him and asked. They had both collapsed on the bed and were both staring at the ceiling.
He turned to face her, smiling and pushing her hair behind her ear.
“If I broke my marriage with Tony, can we date properly?”
“Yes.” He tried to hide his excitement. “I’ve wanted to do this since I met you,” but failed.
She laughed. “Me too.”
Then she turned serious. “It won’t be easy, I’m ready to go against my parents only if you are on board.”
“I’m on board.” He said.
She sat up and dialled her Father’s number to tell him she was ending things with Tony. He was beyond angry and immediately promised that he would no longer send her pocket money, but she held firm till he cut the call on her.
Temi knew what he had to do. He sat behind her, his crotch pressing against her bum, kissing her neck, massaging her breasts, before taking his hands lower to her crotch.
She dialled Tony’s number. And broke up with him while moaning.
If sex was ever responsible for a fall from grace, it was at this point.
Jessica had let go of her privilege. Her parents disowned her. Tony tried to punish her by bribing her lectures against her. Her rent expired, things did not go well for her all day, but she had something to come home to, and eventually, her parents caved and asked to meet Temi. Her mother was the first to accept him, and later her father came around. Tony started his law firm and got married to another high-class lady, but would forever be angry at how Jessica and Temi kept defeating him in court and running him out of business.
So I guess it all worked out for Jessica, as she and Temi lived in Orgasm ever after.
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The Snake and The Two Lonely Men – A Fablingverse Folktale
Keywords: The Snake and The Two Lonely Men: Nigerian Folktales, Snake tales, Fabling, Pam, Free Short Stories, A Fablingverse Folktale
Once upon a time, in a village, two men were unmarried and lonely. All the men in their village had found wives, but they could not, because women were scarce, and so there was no woman of marriageable age for them. They both went about their lives gloomy, praying that the Gods will one day save them from the envy that they felt for the married men and give them a wife.
One day, one of the men, Aku, went to the forest to hunt for meat to sell and eat. He scouted the forest for a long time under the scorching sun and finally found an antelope that had strayed from his family, he aimed his gun and shot it, then carried it over his shoulder and began his journey back home.
On his way home, he saw the Eke, the great python. He was afraid and grabbed his gun to shoot it. But before he could shoot, Eke begged him to have mercy, it was then that he took a closer look at Eke and saw that he looked dried up, weak and miserable.
“Please, the sun is killing me, carry me to the river so I maybe cook.” The great snake begged.
At first the man was skeptical, but he took another look at the python’s state and resolved to help it. He carried the antelope on one shoulder and the snake on the other and took the snake to the river.
When they got to the river, he threw the snake in, then the snake brought out its head from the reeds and spoke. “Thank you very much for your kindness. The gods have heard your prayers for a wife, and the river goddess has decided to give you a gift. Throw your antelope into the river, and a portal will open. Put your hand into the portal and take the first thing you touch.”
The man did as Eke had told him, since everybody knew that the serpent was the messenger of both the earth and river goddesses.
He threw the antelope into the river, and a portal opened above the ripple, then he put his hand into the portal and pulled out a pumpkin, then went home with it.
When he got home, he stared at the pumpkin, wondering what gift the river goddess could have given him, he wondered if he would become a women magnet by eating the pumpkin. When he got tired of his imagination, he broke the pumpkin and from it, came a beautiful woman, “Aku, I am your wife. The gods have made me specially for you.” she said.
She was way better than any wife he could have found by himself. She was the most beautiful woman in the village, she cooked, fetched water, kept the house clean, went to farm while he hunted, and made money for him. He had been delivered from envying the other men in the village and now they envied him and tried to seduce his wife, but the gods had made her just for him and he was the only person she loved.
Now the village had just one lonely man, Obiagheli. Obia was filled with envy, and unlike Aku who had not found a wife because he was too kind for his own good, Obia could not find a wife because he was too bad for his own good.
Seeing how happy Aku had become with his new wife, Obia visited him to ask him where he found his wife from, and the kind Aku told him everything thing that had happened, so Obia set out to the forest to hunt for an antelope.
Obia wanted a better wife than Aku, so he hunted down the biggest antelope in the forest and carried it over his neck to the river. On his way to the river, he ran saw the great Eke, drenched and miserable on the dry ground. At first, he was scared by the size and tried to shoot it, but then he remembered that Aku had mentioned seeing the snake, so he changed his mind and relaxed.
“Thank you for not killing me,” the snake said. “Please, will you carry me to the river so I may not scorch to death?”
Obia laughed. ‘You want me to carry a disgusting creature that crawls on its belly over the faeces of other animals on my neck like this, you must be joking.’ Obia thought.
“You sincerely do not expect that I will carry a snake which can kill me on our way, do you?” he asked, “Carry yourself to the river, I promise not to shoot you on your way.”
“But I am too parched to move,” the snake begged.
“My friend, if you do not start moving now, you’ll become useless to me, and I’ll have no choice but to shoot you.” He threatened.
The snake ‘labouriously’ crawled to the river and crawled in through the reeds. He stayed submerged for a long time, and Obiagheli lost his patience and began to curse out at it, calling it an ungrateful betrayer.
The snake eventually came up and without addressing Obia’s reign of curse it said “Thee gods have heard your prayers for a wife and the river goddess will give you a gift. Throw your antelope in the river, a portal will appear, put your hand into it, and take the first thing that you touch.
Obia did as Eke had told him, and he also got a pumpkin. He took the pumpkin to his house and immediately smashed it on the ground.
Out of the pumpkin rose a woman, he could tell she was a woman because she had the private parts of a woman, but she was the ugliest woman he had ever seen, and she looked as strong as she was ugly, built with monstrous muscles.
Obia panicked and tried to run away from his house, but she pulled him back, saying. “I am you, wife. I was created especially for you by the gods, and you will never leave me. She was a terrible wife; she never once cooked or cleaned the house, or farm, or sold. All she did was eat, lye around the house lazy and beat Obia whenever he did not obey her.
The End
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The Beginning of Humans 2: How The First Children Learned About Sex
Keywords: The Beginning of Humans, How The First Children Learned About Sex – African Folktales, African Mythology, Origin Story, Lion tales, Fabling, Pam, Free Short Stories
For a long time, the 50 female children wandered in the earth’s belly, then one day the eldest daughter looked up and saw light coming through the crack in the earth, so she climbed up and saw how vast the earth was, and she called out to her sisters, “Let us leave here and climb to the top.” At first, her sisters refused, but then she convinced them that what she saw outside was beautiful, so they followed her out. And it was beautiful.
At this time, the trees could talk, and so could the animals, and the daughters spoke to the trees, inquiring of who had created them. But the trees did not have an answer, so they asked the animals, and the animals did not have an answer, so they asked the Sun, moon and the stars, but they were too far to be heard, so they continued their journey in search of a new home.
As the daughters walked, they came upon a stream that blocked their path. They thought of turning back, but the stream called out to them, “I am a stream. You can drink from me and wash in me, and you can cross to the other side by walking across my shallow end.” So the daughters camped by the stream and drank.
As Night was approaching, the daughters saw the 50 sons at the other end of the stream, but they did not know them, as they had been asleep at the point of their birth. Thinking that they were alike, the daughters called to the sons to cross over to their side, but when they crossed over, they found that they were different, though their clothes were similar, their stature was different, and they were filled with fear and asked the sons to stay away from them.
When night came, the sons went to wash in the stream, and while they washed, one of the daughters, the bravest of them, went to spy on them. When she saw their naked body, the feeling that overcame her parents also overcame her, but she was afraid of the feeling and returned to her sisters.
After the sons were done washing, the daughters went to wash, and the brave daughter told them everything she had witnessed when she spied on the sons. Her sisters were worried about her because she had tried to run back to the sons afterwards, so they held on to her to protect her from herself.
As the night became darker, the moon called on the children to sleep, and every living thing slept, but of the daughters there was one who stayed awake, loathing her sisters and the force which had created them. And of the sons, there was one who stayed awake, salivating at the thought of eating his brothers.
When Morning came, the daughters continued on their journey, trying to get away from the sons as fast as they could. But even though they had travelled for a long time, they had not gotten far from the sons, as they were yet to learn that the earth was round.
Meanwhile, the sons had gotten tired of walking and agreed to settle by the stream. The older sons dug a hole in the ground and lived there, but the younger sons refused to live in the ground as their parents did, and they begged the trees for their trunks and built houses raised with stones.
After walking for 2 days, the daughters found themselves on the other end of the stream staring at the son’s camp, which now looked like a village, and they stood and marvelled. Then the youngest sister crossed the stream to the son’s camp to get a better view.
While the sons had built houses for themselves, the wild son refused to live in a house, and when the youngest daughter crossed over, he smelled her and attacked her, and she cried for help.
All the daughters heard her scream and rushed to her side to rescue her from the wild son, but the wild daughter stood behind them as she watched, hoping for blood to spill.
The other sons heard the commotion and ran out to fight. And again, a fight between a man and a woman broke out. But this time, the daughters did not have their premenstrual cramp so they won and kicked the sons to the ground, and as the sons fell, their clothes rose to reveal their puyings, and the daughters saw that the brave girl had told the truth and they took off their clothes and the sons saw their puyangs and boobies, and their puyings rose, and the daughters lay on top the sons.
When they had consummated their meeting, they took each other as man and wife, and the daughters moved in to live with the sons, and the sons said, if women are to live in the houses that we built, then never again should they lie on top of us, and the daughters agreed, and they lived together.
Wait.
But the wild son and daughter disagreed with them and went to live in the wild, where the wild son turned into a lion and the wild daughter turned into a witch.
The End
There are many more African Mythology Origins but till we adopt them, will you like to read Lyrics to Ka Esi Le Onye Isi Oche (Gwo Gwo Gwo Ngwo) Gentleman, Mike Ejeagha?
The Beginning of Humans – Part 1 – The Origin of Sex
Keywords: The Beginning of Humans, The Origin of Sex, African Folktales, African, Mythology, Origin Story, Lion tales, Berber Origin, Origin of Sex, Fabling, Pam, Free Short Stories
In the beginning, the earth was empty and void, and the Creator hovered over the earth and asked, “What should we make of this world?”
“How about we bring African folktales here? Let’s create a world where the stories from old, by your people, can come back to life,” I suggested. The creator smiled, and so it was. And of all the African-origin tales, she chose a Berber Origin.
And so it began. In the beginning, the creator created a man and a woman and she clothed them and put them in the belly of the earth. The humans were surrounded by darkness, but they could see, and they saw the well which they were to drink from, and the food which the creator had left for them.
The man and the woman lived together but separately, suspicious of the other and ready to attack when the need arose. Then one day the woman went to drink from the well; as she crouched over, drinking, the man approached the well and demanded that she move out of the way so he could drink. The woman refused, stating that since she was there first, it was courteous of the man to wait until she was done before drinking, but the man would have none of it.
He pushed the woman out of his way and went for the well, and the woman gave him a backhand slap in retaliation, and a fight broke out. The man and woman had fought for seven days when the woman felt her premenstrual cramp creep up at the wrong time. The man saw her bend in pain and used the opportunity to knock her over, and because she was in too much pain, she gave up.
When the woman fell, her clothes rolled up and exposed her ‘puyang’ and boobies. On seeing them, the man took off his clothes and touched his chest. “How come yours are big, and mine are small?” he asked.
The woman shook her head as she also saw the man’s chest for the first time, and even though his chest was not like hers, she found that they were beautiful to behold. Then she said. “The thing between your legs is also different from mine.”
He nodded as his ‘puying’ rose. “What do we do with them?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” she answered.
Then they felt an urge and the woman said: “Maybe your puying goes in my puyang.”
And so they lay together, the man put his puying in the woman’s puyang and they became man and wife.
And they lay there for many days and refused to be separated, so that every nine months, the woman gave birth to 4 children.
By the time the man and woman were ready to be separated, they had born 100 sleeping children. Then they looked at their children and did not know what to do with them, so they separated the sons from the daughters, then woke the sons up first and said, “Leave and find where you belong.”
When the male children had left, they woke up their daughters and said to them as they had said to their sons. And this is why to this day all children must leave their parent’s homes to find their own homes.
Wait, This is not the end.
Read part 2 of The Beginning of Human here
Kidnapping Father Christmas: Chapter 1
Keywords: Kidnapping Father Christmas, Chapter 1, Nigerian Christmas Story, Funny, Kidnap Santa Clause, Adventure, Children and Mischief, Free Web Novel, Fabling, Pam
Ebuka’s laughter faded, replaced by a conspiratorial whisper as he leaned in closer to his younger brother. “You see, Chukwuma,” he began, his tone serious despite the gleam in his eyes, “if you write a letter to Father Christmas and you’ve been good all year, he’ll bring you whatever you ask for. But…” He paused dramatically, watching his brother’s eager expression. “But we both know you haven’t exactly been a saint this year, right?”
Chukwuma nodded solemnly, not a hint of doubt clouding his youthful face. “So how do I get Father Christmas to give Daddy that kind of money?” he asked, his voice filled with determination.
Ebuka should have stopped there, ended the game, but he couldn’t resist the temptation to take it just a little further. He straightened up, and Chukwuma immediately followed suit, his attention unwavering.
“Look,” Ebuka continued, his voice dropping to a whisper as though sharing the greatest secret in the world. “I don’t know exactly how you can kidnap Father Christmas, but I do know this: if you manage to capture him, you have to hide him in the store downstairs. You know the one, right? The one nobody goes to because they can’t find the keys?”
Chukwuma nodded again, eyes wide with excitement.
“Well,” Ebuka said, reaching under the bed and pulling out a small, rusted key, “this is the key. When you kidnap Father Christmas, that’s where you should keep him. No one will find him there, not even me—I hardly ever go there, and I’ve got both keys. Just tie him up really well so he doesn’t escape, and then take his phone. You’ll need it to call Mother Christmas.”
Chukwuma’s brow furrowed. “How will I know which one is Mother Christmas’ number?”
Ebuka grinned, savouring the moment. “He’ll have it saved as ‘Mama’ or ‘Mother’ or something like that. Easy.”
“Thank you,” Chukwuma said, lying back down with a contented sigh, already planning the details of his daring mission. For a brief moment, Ebuka wondered if he’d taken things too far.
“And what if I fail?” Chukwuma asked, his voice barely a whisper.
Ebuka’s smile returned, mischievous as ever. “Then you’ll get nothing but a bag full of charcoal for Christmas.”
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The Seven Years Girlfriend
Keywords: The Seven Year Girlfriend, Romance, Love Sucks, Free Short Story, Fabling Pam
Hi, my name is Pamela, and this is the story of my friend.
Pamela, let’s call her that. This happened a year ago. See, my friend Pamela had been dating this guy, Bob, let’s call him that. They had been dating for seven years. They met at the supermarket shortly after she graduated from university. They hit it off; it was an instant connection. They were all over each other, like it got too annoying to watch them.
Pamela was 21 when they met, and he was 25, so we thought they would tie the knot after year one. He had a good job, and so did she, but after year two, they were still dating, then year three came, and year four, and five and six. How did they date for six years without getting engaged? I don’t know! But one day I asked him why he had not proposed to my friend, and he said he would propose, once he was sure that he knew her. Can you believe this guy? And she also shared this his absurd ideology that you need over six years to know if you can propose to your girlfriend.
I, being the chilled, laid-back girl I am, convinced her to make him put a ring on it. And in year seven, after much persuasion, Bob put a cheap ass ring on it. Oh, how happy Pamela was.
Then one day, she received his call while he was in the bathroom. It was a girl, calling him ‘Papi’. So she dug around and found out that Bob had been cheating on her with his new secretary. Did she confront him about it? No. No, she didn’t. What did she do? She went out and got herself a new boyfriend. Yes, she took my advice. No, she was still dating Bob, but the new guy, um Jon, Jon was cool, spontaneous, and he made her happier than she had ever been. Then Bob found out and confronted her.
She told him that she also knew he was cheating on her, and that was why she cheated on him. And he got angry, called her a liar and a whore, and said that the reason he could not get married to her was that he could not trust her. My friend got angry and slapped him, and he slapped her back and beat the living shit out of her. Two weeks late,r we saw his wedding pictures all over Facebook.
Well, my friend is married to Jon now; he proposed after six months of dating. They got married after another six months, and they have three annoying children now.
What happened to Bob? Well, we found out that Bob hadn’t always been cheating on Pamela with his current wife, but with many women. And about his wife? he got married to her within six months of meeting. Wow right?
The End.
What do you think? Watch a Real Playa at work Everybody’s Man
Writing Oxygen
Keywords: Writing Oxygen, Love, Crush, Romance, Free Short Stories, Fabling, Pam
He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close to his torso, she grabbed his neck pulling his face closer to hers as she devoured his lips, her other hand greedily searched for his belt buckle, her zip came undone and her blouse fell to her waist, she could feel his chest on her cleavage, the sound of their hearts pounding in deafening rhythm. He cupped her butt cheeks, and her legs wrapped around his waist. Then he hurriedly walked into her room, slamming the door open.
He dropped her on her silk-covered bed and mounted her, trailing kisses down her neck, his lips stopped on her tit… no cleavage?… Nape?…Belly button?…
‘Okay no, this is not working.’ Mayowa stopped typing and pulled back on her chair “I should have dated him, maybe I’d know what to write now. But he probably has aids, that walking sex doll.” She took a huge gulp from her coffee mug and sighed.
Her phone rang, and she looked at the screen; it was her agent. She rolled her eyes “Hello Bode, yes the story is on the way. I’m just trying to edit the erotic scenes… Please don’t give yourself hope. Sure sure, I should send it in tomorrow.” She cut the phone and hung her head back. “Now, how would Mark make love to Debbie?”
The thinking was not helping her; all the sex scenes in her head betrayed her character’s personality. She was one of the top Erotic Romance writers in Nigeria; her readers expected magic from her. They probably also thought that she had an active sex life. “Should I make more coffee? Oh, it’s 7 a.m already. I need a new source of oxygen.”
She put on her joggers and took to the streets; she almost never missed her morning jogs. The morning was filled with inspiration. She turned onto the next street and waited, pretending to tie her shoelace.
“Hey.” She looked up at Mark. That was not his real name.
“Hey!” She smiled back. That was their routine. She ran into him in the morning and greeted ‘Hey’ and he replied ‘Hey.’ Then they kept running.
“So you are a writer. I saw you on TV yesterday.” He said.
‘Wait, is he starting a conversation?’ She stood up ‘Should I brag or pretend to be humble?’ She smile,d “Oh yes, I am.”
“You write Erotica.”
“Please, when you say it like that it makes me feel weird.” This was a lie. She was proud of her craft; talking about sex was her hobby. But she wanted to ease him into her weirdness. He laughed.
“You know what, here is my number. Call me.” He handed her his card and jogged away.
This was it! She smirked all the way home; she needed to exhale her emotions into the scene before she lost the moment.
Mark was the loner genius in school, a very boring young man with unpredictable sexual prowess. Titi was the school’s slut, nothing any man could do to her in bed could surprise or satisfy her. But Mark was about to turn her world upside down and over.
The End
Title challenge by Chijioke Okereke
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The Night He Won
Keywords: Chidi, Bella, Bet9ja, odds, The Night He Won, Gambling story, betting story, trolling Barcelona fans, Chidi, Bella, bet9ja, Free short stories
A sequel to the Night he lost
Chidi’s gaze was fixed on the Bet9ja match lineup on his computer screen, his heart racing with anticipation. Today felt like it might be his turning point. The Champions League fixtures were as predictable as ever: Manchester City versus Liverpool, and Roma versus Barcelona. He had already chosen his picks for the English Championship, meticulously analyzing every match and its odds. He was confident Millwall, Fulham, Aston Villa, Brentford, Bristol City, Preston North End, Ipswich Town, Hull City, Sheffield United, and Queens Park Rangers would emerge victorious. Liverpool and Barcelona were certainties.
“Are you kidding me?” Bella’s voice pierced the air, tinged with exasperation. “You’re still caught up in this Bet9ja nonsense? If we’re late, I swear I’m going to dump you. This addiction is out of control!”
Chidi scrambled to enter his code, placing his bet with a frantic urgency before dashing out the door, trailing his irate fiancée.
“You better behave in front of my parents and put away that phone,” Bella warned as they climbed into the car.
After his breakup with Angelica, Chidi had sought refuge in a bar, where he’d met Bella—another soul marred by heartache. Their shared misery had sparked an unexpected connection, and they’d been inseparable ever since. Bella was nothing like Angelica; she was fiery, demanding, and relentless in her nagging. But with her came a sense of excitement and a stroke of good luck that Chidi had never known before.
As they pulled up to Bella’s parents’ building—a drab block of five flats—Chidi braced himself. Her parents had never hidden their disapproval, and he was ready for their interrogation.
The moment they sat down for dinner, her father wasted no time. “So, you still don’t have a job?” she asked, her tone sharp as the silverware.
“James!” her mother snapped, her tone cutting through the air. “This isn’t why we invited our daughter here.”
Chidi was caught in the crossfire, unsure how to respond. He had always struggled with her parents’ disapproval, and Bella’s agitation was rising. He could already anticipate her post-dinner tirade about starting a small business. He would promise to open a bakery once he won ten million naira, a promise that only fuelled her frustration.
“Bella,” her mother said, a note of disdain in her voice as she gestured toward Chidi, “we didn’t expect you to bring—” she let her gaze linger on him, “—Chidi.” She took a deliberate bite, letting her words settle. “But since he’s here, and you’ve made it clear we can speak freely in front of him, let’s revisit something. Remember Bode? My boss’s son? The one you used to have a massive crush on?”
Chidi, bracing himself for what was to come, mumbled, “I need to use the restroom,” and made a hasty exit. As he closed the door behind him, he overheard her mother’s voice drift through the hallway. “He’s back in Nigeria and looking for a wife.”
Once in the bathroom, Chidi pulled out his phone for a distraction. To his dismay, Roma was leading Barcelona 2-0, and the second half had just begun. Tears streamed down his face as he whispered, “Why me? God, if Barcelona wins, I promise I’ll quit gambling and find a real job.” After his tears subsided, he tucked his phone away, washed his face, and returned to the tension-filled dining room.
“You know what, Mum, I’ve had enough!” Bella’s voice rang out with fierce determination as she stood, facing her parents who mirrored her stance. “Chidi may not be perfect, but he loves and respects me. We’ve made it work so far, and we will continue to do so.” She glanced over her shoulder to see Chidi walking in. “We’re getting married soon, whether you accept him or not. Chidi, let’s go.”
“You’re getting ma-married?” Her mother’s voice cracked, tears spilling down her cheeks. “This girl has finally finished me!”
Chidi bolted out of the house, moving faster than Bella, preferring her relentless nagging to another moment under her parents’ disapproving gaze.
That night, as they lay side by side in bed, the silence between them was heavy and oppressive. Bella didn’t say a word, didn’t nag, but her quiet only deepened Chidi’s unease. A wave of guilt constricted his chest, compelling him to do something he never would have done for Angelica—he logged into Bet9ja with the intention of deleting his account.
N20,000,000
The sight of his balance made his phone tumble from his hands as he let out a strangled cry. “What happened?” Bella’s asked with genuine concern.
“20,000,000,” Chidi stuttered, his eyes wide with shock.
Bella grabbed the phone and stared at the screen, her disbelief mounting. He had actually won. How? She checked his game and realized Chidi had bet on Barcelona’s defeat, a decision hastened by her impatience while he was choosing his odds.
The End
Did You Enjoy The Night HE Won? Then You Might Also Enjoy …And She Got Married
The Night He Lost
Keywords: The Night He Lost, Gambling story, betting story, trolling Barcelona fans, Romance, Chidi, Bella, bet9ja, Free short stories
Chidi’s gaze swept over the match line-up board, his pen and jotter clutched tightly in hand. “Today’s the day,” he mused, anticipation crackling in the air. The Champions League was finally kicking off, and the match-ups were as predictable as ever: PSG versus Barcelona, and Benfica against Borussia Dortmund. Benfica was a shoo-in against Borussia, and Barcelona—well, with Messi, Suarez, Neymar, and Ter Stegen—PSG was in for a world of pain.
After a meticulous analysis of the standings, Chidi decided to place his bet. The exact number of goals was anyone’s guess, so he played it safe, betting solely on the winners and losers. He strolled over to the counter, placed his wager, and then made his way to the television tuned to the PSG versus Barcelona clash. The other match was irrelevant; as a die-hard Barca fan, he was eager to watch his team dismantle Paris Saint-Germain.
It was Valentine’s Day, and while some football enthusiasts managed to drag their partners into the fray—either genuinely sharing their passion or pretending for the occasion—most had either gone solo or snubbed their significant others for the allure of the Champions League. Chidi was firmly in the latter camp.
Earlier that day, Chidi had called his girlfriend, Angelica, to cancel their Valentine’s plans. Brutally honest as ever, he declared that missing the match was out of the question. With Angelica tied up at work all day, there was no chance of seeing her before kickoff. He even mentioned his plan to treat her the next night with the winnings from his bet. He wagered 30,000 Naira—half of his remaining funds—with hopes of a 100,000 Naira payout. Angelica, ever the concerned girlfriend, inquired whether he’d be alright missing Arsenal’s match against Bayern Munich the following evening. Chidi laughed it off, dismissing Arsenal’s match as unworthy of his attention.
As the players took to the field, the sky seemed to part for Barcelona, who entered in their vibrant, lemony-green jerseys. Chidi ended his call with Angelica and zeroed in on the game.
Five minutes in, Di Maria’s pass to Cavani in front of the goal had Chidi’s heart racing, but Cavani’s shot missed the mark, sending Chidi’s pulse back to normal. Despite Di Maria and Cavani’s attempts, Barcelona’s defense held firm. At 16 minutes, Ter Stegen had already thwarted two attempts, but then Angel Di Maria’s free-kick came out of nowhere—1-0 to PSG.
“Alright, calm down,” Chidi told himself. “It was just a lucky shot.” The commentator mentioned it was Angel’s birthday, and Chidi dismissed it with a scoff. The match continued with Barcelona pushing hard to equalize, Neymar and Suarez relentless in their pursuit, but PSG’s defense and Kevin Trapp were resolute.
Then, like a spellbinding apparition, Julian Draxler emerged, redeeming himself for an earlier foul, and sent the ball past Stegen and into the net. Chidi leaped from his seat, a mix of anguish and disbelief etched across his face.
By the time the first half of the match wrapped up, Chidi was grappling with the idea of withdrawing his bet. Doubts crept in, but his faith in Barcelona’s resilience held firm. Besides, the teams were about to switch goalposts—an opportune moment to turn things around. He faced a crucial decision: pull out now or ride the storm. With a deep breath, he chose to stay the course, sinking back into his seat and bracing for the second half.
Meanwhile…
Angelica’s phone buzzed, and she answered with a bright smile. “Hello? Oh, no, I’m free tonight.” She gave a flirtatious laugh. “I’m wrapping up here.” A blush crept over her cheeks as she ended the call.
Biola, her ever-curious co-worker, leaned in. “Was that your boyfriend?”
“Boyfriend?” Angelica said, gathering her things. She worked at a telecommunications customer care center, and her shift had just ended. “No, that’s Kunle. He’s been trying to get me to go out with him for a while now.”
Biola’s eyes widened. “Is that the handsome guy who looks like D’banj? The one who visited you last week, the one with the sleek car, and the one who sent you that gorgeous perfume on your birthday?” She practically squealed. “What about Chidi?” she whispered.
Angelica’s expression turned contemplative. “I’ve been considering ending things with Chidi for a while now.”
… Back to Chidi
At the 54th minute, Di Maria scored his second goal of the night, a birthday gift to himself. Chidi’s heart raced for the fifth time as the realization hit him like a sledgehammer. This couldn’t be real; it felt like a nightmare. The PSG fans erupted with euphoria, their cheers a painful reminder of his mounting despair. Chidi’s hope dwindled with every replay, and though he remained glued to the screen, a growing part of him wanted to escape. He clung to the flicker of hope, recalling miraculous comebacks like Manchester United’s—yet, as the 71st minute ticked by, Cavani’s fourth goal confirmed his fears. It was over. Tears welled in his eyes as he stared blankly at the television, counting down the remaining minutes with a sinking heart.
Lost in his misery, he barely noticed the departing crowd or the cleaner tidying up the viewing center. “Oga, we’re closing up,” the cleaner said, gently tapping Chidi, who remained frozen in time.
Later that night, as Chidi trudged home, the cold harmattan breeze stung his bare arms, making him wish he’d worn a sweater over his Barcelona jersey. Desperate to push past the sting of his loss, there was only one person he wanted to see—the one who might mend his broken spirits. But…
Angelica had just experienced a night that exceeded all her expectations. Kunle was not only a gentleman but also charmingly witty. Their evening had unfolded like a scene from a romantic comedy—dinner at a chic Chinese restaurant on the island, where he encouraged her to indulge in the feast, a luxury Chidi would never have afforded her.
As they finished their meal, Kunle guided her back to his sleek car. With a practiced grace, he opened the door for her, and as he slid into the driver’s seat, his arm brushed against her as he helped her with her seatbelt. The brief contact sent a shiver through her, making her heart race.
When they arrived at her modest apartment, Kunle once again emerged from the car to hold the door open for her. As she stepped out with her bags, he leaned casually against the door, his stance exuding effortless allure. Angelica gazed at him, a smile playing on her lips. “Thank you for tonight,” she said, preparing to leave.
But Kunle gently took her hand and drew her closer. The moment her palm touched his chest, she felt the solid muscles beneath his shirt. ‘Snap out of it. YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND,’ she scolded herself internally, but her body betrayed her. She could feel Kunle’s firm abs, inhale his intoxicating scent, and her legs felt like they might give way. ‘You have a boyfriend,’ she reminded herself.
Kunle tilted her chin gently, and his lips found hers in a tender, deliberate kiss. Her lips responded, betraying her conflicted emotions, as the world around them seemed to dissolve.
The End.
Did you like this story? It has a sequel. The Night He Won
A Funny Weekend for High School Boys
Keywords: A Funny Weekend For Highschool Boys, Adventure, Fun story, Flexing, Fabling, Pam, Free Short Stories
Jadé hurriedly tied his shoelaces, bolted for the door, and called out, “Mummy, I’ve gone!” just as the door slammed shut behind him. He knew his mother well—if he’d lingered even a second longer, she’d find another chore to trap him with.
Today was too important for that. He was headed to Victor’s place, where Nonso and Bosun were waiting. Victor had been his best friend since primary school, and now, in SS2, they were still inseparable. Along with Bosun and Nonso, they’d formed a tight-knit crew, proudly calling themselves ‘The Fresh Boys’ since their first term in JSS 1. Even after all these years, they still owned that title.
As Jadé approached Victor’s house, he spotted him backing out in his mother’s car—right on time. The plan for the day? A joyride through the neighborhood, cruising in style just to catch the attention of the local girls, but only the “fresh” ones.
Victor was the mastermind behind most of their antics. He always had wild ideas, like last week, when he showed them how to tilt a mirror on their shoes to sneak a peek under the girls’ skirts and see who had the freshest underwear. Peculiar, the girl who never gave them the time of day, won that contest easily, but since she acted like she was too good for them, Egodi took the crown by default.
As Jadé arrived, Bosun and Nonso were busy guiding Victor as he maneuvered the car out of the driveway. “Watch the gutter,” Bosun cautioned, always the responsible one.
“I’m taking the front seat!” Jadé yelled, hopping in before anyone could protest. Bosun and Nonso begrudgingly slid into the back.
“Not fair! You were the last to get here,” Nonso complained, his voice tinged with the usual playful annoyance. Nonso was the cute one of the group, so pretty he could pass for a girl. The girls loved him, which sometimes annoyed Jadé, but it was what it was. Nonso had his charm, and the rest of them had to deal with it.
“You gonna cry?” Jadé teased with a mischievous grin.
“Cry? Me? Do I look like a baby?” Nonso shot back, puffing his chest a little. “Victor, I’m driving next!”
“I’m after Nonso!” Jadé quickly called out.
“Why am I always last?” Bosun grumbled from the backseat.
Victor shrugged, a smirk playing on his lips. “Relax, man. Everyone’s gonna get a turn. But first, let’s go block Peculiar. I saw her earlier—she should be on her way back now.”
With that, they cruised down the road, Victor expertly handling the car as though he’d been driving for years. He spotted her first, just ahead. “There she is,” Nonso pointed.
Victor’s foot pressed on the accelerator, nudging the car toward Peculiar as if he were about to hit her. She leapt out of the way, whipping around only to see the usual suspects—the class clowns. Her eyes narrowed, and she scoffed before turning away.
“Hey Peculiar!” Victor called out, reclining in the driver’s seat, trying to look effortlessly cool. “Hop in, we’ll give you a ride.”
Without missing a beat, she replied, “No, thank you,” and kept walking.
“I told you she’d say no. She’s too stuck-up to have any fun,” Jadé said, watching her.
But then, to everyone’s surprise, Peculiar paused, shot them a sideways glance, hissed, and opened the door. She slid into the seat, shutting it with a soft thud. Jadé’s lips curled into a triumphant smile, one that didn’t go unnoticed by Victor, though he wasn’t sure he liked what it meant.
“So, you’re just driving around? Is this supposed to be fun?” Peculiar asked, her voice dripping with boredom.
“Victor, remind me again why you picked up this grandma?” Bosun quipped from the back.
“I am *not* an old woman! You’re just a little boy,” she snapped, shooting him a glare.
Victor, trying to sound mature, asked, “So, Peculiar, where are you coming from?”
She sighed and said she’d been at a fitting for her cousin’s bridal train. The conversation meandered from there, light but stretched, until they finally pulled up in front of her house. “Bye, *Victor*,” she said pointedly, stepping out and disappearing into her compound as her dogs barked in greeting.
Nonso scowled. “So, it’s only Victor she saw in the car, huh?” he muttered, slumping in his seat. “Anyway, it’s my turn to drive!”
Victor sighed, stepping out and handing Nonso the keys. Nonso slid into the driver’s seat with a smug look, and for a brief moment, Jadé found himself thinking, *He looks kinda cute behind the wheel.* Shaking his head, Jadé pushed the thought aside. Soon it was his turn, and he made sure to handle the car carefully. He was thrilled, sure, but no way was he going to risk messing up. Victor’s ride was no joke—a 2015 Toyota Avalon XLE, practically brand new. He wasn’t about to buy himself trouble.
Then came Bosun’s turn. That’s when Lady Karma made her appearance. Bosun, in a mix of excitement and nerves, crashed the car into an electric pole, right on Victor’s street.
For a moment, everything was still. Bosun froze in shock, and the seconds stretched painfully. It was enough time for Victor to leap out of the car, assess the damage, and come to grips with reality. It was bad. The front end of the car was crumpled like an accordion. Their carefree weekend? Over.
Years later, Jadé and Victor would laugh about this day while playing Call of Duty, but the pain they experienced together was strong enough to dissociate them from Bosun, who ditched them, begging that he did not want to enter trouble. Jadé took responsibility for crashing the car. Nonso admitted to distracting hi,m and Victor accepted that he was an idiot.
The beatdown their parents gave them afterward became the stuff of legend, a shared pain that, instead of breaking them, bound them together in a bond that would last for years.
The End
A big thanks to Precious Raphael Mikaelson for the title challenge. Looking for another fun story? Check out Episode 1 of Kidnapping Father Christmas
The Stalker
Keywords: The Stalker, Love, Romane, Action, Malik, Stalking, Free Short Story, Fabling, Pam
“Bro, I’m telling you, someone’s always swiping my clothes,” Malik said as he walked his friend Dede out of the apartment. “Just yesterday, I hung my boxers to dry, barely turned around, and poof, they were gone.”
“Have you asked everyone in the compound?” Dede raised a brow.
“Asked? I’ve visited every one of them, pretending to check for something else, but no sign of my stuff. It’s like they steal it and sell it off immediately.”
Dede’s laughter echoed in the hallway as their voices faded away.
I lingered by the window, savoring Malik’s voice, even when he was venting. It wasn’t too deep or too light, just the right balance, like the sensation of warm oil being massaged into your back. When his voice finally disappeared, I pulled myself away from the window, stretched, and strolled into the bathroom, dressed only in his boxers.
The familiar scent of Dudu Osun soap filled the air as I lathered up, his favorite brand—I’d seen him toss the empty packs into the trash more than once. After rinsing off, I dried myself with his towel, slid back into his boxers, and rummaged through my wardrobe. I pulled out one of his shirts and slipped it on, feeling his scent wrap around me like a comforting embrace.
I closed my eyes, imagining his breath on the nape of my neck, his strong arms pulling me close, our hearts beating in rhythm, bodies perfectly aligned. But today, my thoughts were innocent. Last night was another story—he was tied to his bed, helpless, as I took what I wanted.
The sound of his footsteps snapped me out of my reverie. He was coming back. I needed to be quick. Today, he was visiting his mother, and I had to know where his parents lived. I knew everything about his life, except for his family.
I returned his shirt to the wardrobe, slipped on a knee-length dress over his boxers, brushed my hair down my shoulders, dabbed on some makeup, grabbed my sneakers and handbag, and walked out of my apartment just as he stepped out of his.
Our eyes met, but we didn’t exchange a word. We’d been flatmates for over a year, yet we had never spoken. Mostly my fault—I avoided him, couldn’t bring myself to say anything. He probably thought I was stuck-up.
He locked his door, started walking, and I followed, boarding the same bus. I pretended it was coincidence, but I could feel the tension—he was dying to ask me something, but he held back, just like always.
The bus jerked into motion, and I instinctively pulled out my phone, ready to stalk Malik on Facebook. I wasn’t paying attention, lost in the glow of my screen. I don’t know what happened next—one second we were cruising along, the next the bus veered violently off the road, careening down a steep hill.
I sat in the third row, middle seat, with Malik just ahead of me. Glass exploded around us, the world spinning in a blur of chaos. It all happened too fast. By the time the bus finally stopped tumbling, the woman next to me—heavyset and wide-eyed—was gone. Shock or blood loss, I wasn’t sure. The air was thick with the groans and cries of the injured.
Somehow, I was alive. The weight of the woman had pinned me painfully to my seat, her screams mingling with others calling out, “Blood of Jesus.” My ears rang with the panic. With a sharp inhale, I forced myself free from under her, my breath catching as I saw my phone lodged between her breasts. I pulled it out with trembling hands.
The window beside me was shattered. I braced my foot against the frame and kicked at the broken glass. I was almost out when I heard him—Malik—groaning in pain.
I turned, heart racing. An injured man had fallen on top of him, trapping him beneath the wreckage. Without thinking, I shoved the man aside and grabbed Malik’s arm, pulling him toward me. The window was too small to drag him through. Then I saw the windshield—cracked but intact, with the driver’s limp body draped across the bonnet.
I kicked at it, the glass splintering beneath my heel. One more kick, and it gave way completely. Grabbing Malik by the shoulders, I hauled him out of the bus. As we hit the ground, I saw a few other passengers crawl through the shattered windows, dazed and bloodied. I hadn’t even noticed them when I was inside.
Spectators had already gathered, swarming to pull out the remaining passengers—most of them lifeless, bodies twisted in unnatural angles. My hands shook as I pressed Malik’s shirt against the wound in his abdomen, trying to stop the bleeding. His face was mostly unscathed, save for a small cut on his forehead, but his body was battered.
The ambulance arrived sooner than I expected, red and white lights flashing against the wreckage. Paramedics rushed to us, pulling me and Malik onto stretchers.
“Will he be okay?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper as a nurse bandaged Malik’s wound.
“He’ll be fine,” she said gently. “You need to stay calm—you’re hurt too.”
That’s when the pain hit me. Like a wave crashing over me, every nerve in my body screamed at once. My neck throbbed, likely bruised from the weight of the woman. My legs were a mess, shards of glass embedded deep into my skin. The agony was too much. Darkness closed in.
When I woke again, I was in a hospital bed, hooked up to an IV. The drip wasn’t blood—just saline. But I was alive.
I was okay. The doctor reassured me I had fainted from shock, not blood loss. My first thought was Malik. I needed to know if he was alright. They told me he was stable but needed a blood transfusion. My heart raced. I remembered my blood type—O positive—and suggested I donate. At first, the doctor hesitated, but after running a blood test, they agreed.
Standing beside Malik’s bed, I watched as my blood flowed into his veins, connecting us in the most intimate way. **My blood is in him now. We’re one.** The thought flooded me with a strange sense of satisfaction. If I had to live through that accident a hundred times to experience this feeling, I would.
“Miss Agero,” the doctor’s voice broke through my reverie. He stepped into the room, holding a familiar item. “The police recovered this. It’s his bag. You can give it to him when he wakes up.”
He handed me both Malik’s backpack and my handbag. Amazingly, my ATM card and money were still inside. Curiosity tugged at me. I opened Malik’s bag, and there it was—his phone, untouched, no password lock. Temptation got the better of me, and I started scrolling through his messages, WhatsApp, everything.
I wasn’t prepared for what I found. The first picture in his gallery stunned me. It was my Facebook profile picture. My heart skipped. I scrolled down, seeing more—photo after photo of me. Malik had been stalking me too. This was fate.
The End
Who else to give me this tittle challenge than my darling herself, my partner in crime, Ekwebelem Tsunade Elizabeth!
If you enjoyed The Stalker? Then you’ll enjoy The Secret
I’ll Never Let You Go
Keywords: Let you go, Agnes, Tunde, Hate, Layo, Kill, Manipulated, I’ll Never Let You Go, Romance, Revenge, Malice, Divorce, Cheating, Agnes, Free Short Story.
Agnes smiled, a smile that once steered his heart like a sailor on a smooth sail. But now it felt like a twirl in a storm, a mocking grin. Her lips curled slightly, revealing just a glimpse of teeth. She leaned forward, giving him an all-too-familiar view of her cleavage. The same breasts he had once cradled his head on, the same softness he once worshipped. Now, they were probably comforting her lawyer. With slow, deliberate motions, she tugged the contract from beneath his hand, sliding another one in its place. Her eyes sparkled as if this were a game and she was winning.
He forced himself to look away from her chest, letting his gaze drift over the pages. But what was the point? He was going to sign it anyway, no matter what it said. His mind wandered to the past, back to the night of their wedding. His Agnes. The sweet, innocent bride who blushed at the thought of sharing a bed with him. The loyal wife who waited by the door every evening, who never raised her voice, never questioned his late nights, and always had his favourite meal ready. She was his Agnes. The woman who worried for him when he didn’t deserve it, the woman who stood by him no matter how many times he came home drunk—his perfect Agnes.
But as perfect as she was, she was never Layo.
Layo. Wild, reckless, and selfish. She lived for herself, and maybe that’s why he couldn’t stay away. At first, She was the kind of woman who demanded everything from a man and gave nothing in return except the thrill of the chase. She didn’t care about being someone’s wife. She knew how to make him feel alive. A dangerous affair for a man like him; someone who craved control. But Layo wanted more than to be a secret; she wanted something loud, she wanted to take pictures and post them, and he couldn’t give her that. So, he ended it.
Then there was Chichi.
Chichi was everything Agnes wasn’t and everything Layo could never be. She was his perfect contradiction. Chichi knew about his marriage but didn’t care. She stayed out of his personal life, never asking for more than what he could give. She played her part perfectly. She was his sweet escape. But she was too independent, too focused on her own life. She didn’t consult him on her choices, not even when she decided to marry another man. When she told him, it was as if a fire had been lit inside him. He couldn’t let her go. She wasn’t just Chichi. She was *his* Chichi.
He knew what he had to do. He went home and confessed everything to Agnes. Every affair, every betrayal, hoping that she will let him go. As expected, his Agnes broke down. She cried, begged him to think of their children – a boy of thirteen and a little girl he adored. But it didn’t matter. He promised to take care of them, then turned his back to her that night, letting her tears soak into her pillow.
Chichi was overjoyed when he told her his marriage was finally over, but she wasn’t foolish. She didn’t break off her engagement right away, keeping her options open. Still, she became bolder, visiting his office more often, their trysts more daring. It was the life he had always wanted, one filled with risk, passion, and control.
Until the day Chichi disappeared.
She stopped answering his calls. She stopped showing up at the office. He tried to see her, but there was nothing. It was as if she had vanished from his life, leaving only the ghost of her presence behind. Desperation led him back home to Agnes, who had not yet left him. She was still there, still sad, still quiet, waiting for the divorce procedures to be concluded. She reached for his coat that evening, the way she always had, and reached for a kiss, but he pushed her away. And that’s when he noticed something different, something unsettling in the way she fell back.
She fell with a force he hadn’t pushed with.
Then she wailed.
And the tears, they were instant.
But her eyes held no sadness.
Something had shifted in Agnes.
And for the first time, he wasn’t sure what would come next.
“So it’s true, Daddy.” His son’s voice trembled from the top of the stairs. Both his children stood there, wide-eyed, watching. “You’re the reason Mom’s been crying. You hate her now,” his son accused.
Tunde opened his mouth to explain, to defend himself, but instead, all that came out was, “Go to your rooms. Now.”
His daughter’s face crumpled with anger and heartbreak. “I hate you, Daddy! You beat Mommy every day! I hate you!” Her tiny fists were clenched, her eyes blazing with accusation.
Tunde froze. Beat Agnes? Never. He had never laid a hand on her. He opened his mouth again to refute, but the words failed him. They lodged in his throat like jagged stones.
“Go to your rooms now!” His voice came out louder than he intended.
“Please, sweethearts, go to your rooms. Let Mommy and Daddy sort this out,” Agnes said, her voice trembling as tears continued to stream down her cheeks. Her eyes fixed on Tunde.
“But, Mom…” his son began, his voice filled with confusion and betrayal.
“No, love,” she interrupted gently, her eyes still glued on Tunde. “Please, just go.”
The boy looked from his mother’s back to his father’s angry face, his eyes narrowing. He lingered for a moment longer, glaring at his father with disdain, before he took his sister’s hand and disappeared back down the hallway.
“What just happened?” Tunde asked, the weight of the moment finally settling.
Agnes wiped her eyes, staring him down with a fury he hadn’t seen in years. “I told them,” She said. “I told them how you’ve been hitting me ever since you started sleeping with your whore.”
Tunde blinked, stunned. “What? Hitting you? When did I ever lay a hand on you?”
Agnes gave a bitter laugh. “Oh, don’t you dare play innocent, Tunde. Not tonight. I can’t take it tonight.” Her voice wavered as more tears spilled over. “You think I didn’t know? I knew. I knew about all of them. About Layo. Do you know she came to *this* house? Our house. She told me herself, came right here and challenged me for you.”
Her sobs wracked her body, but Tunde wasn’t about to be derailed. “That’s not the point. When did I *hit* you?”
Agnes straightened, walking toward him with slow, deliberate steps. She reached out and grabbed his right hand, locking her eyes with his. Then, without warning, she slammed his hand against her cheek, her head snapping to the side with the force. “Now, Tunde. You hit me now.”
He recoiled in horror, his heart pounding in his chest. “I don’t have time for this madness. I’m going to talk to the kids,” he muttered, turning toward the stairs.
But Agnes screamed. “Wait! No, my husband! No!” She grabbed her own head with both hands, smashing it against the wall with a sickening thud. Blood started trickling down her face, but she ignored it, pulling away from him when he tried to help.
“Please, Tunde! Think about the kids!” she screamed, stumbling backward toward the center of the living room. Then, in a move so sudden it felt unreal, she hurled herself into the glass coffee table. The table shattered beneath her weight, shards of glass cutting into her skin as she lay there, bloodied and motionless.
“You’ve killed Mommy!” his son’s voice pierced through the chaos as he ran down the stairs. Tunde watched, helpless, as his son rushed to Agnes, trying to pull her away from the shards of glass, cutting his own hands in the process.
Tunde took a step forward, but his son whipped around, rage blazing in his young eyes. “Stay away! Don’t come near her! Don’t come near us! I’ll call the police!” The boy’s voice cracked with fear and fury. “Stay away, or I’ll call the police!”
His little sister stood beside them, sobbing.
And that was when it hit him. The break-up, the affairs, they had all driven Agnes over the edge. But in that moment, he realized something else: his sweet, innocent Agnes was an actress.
The next morning, she was up and moving as if nothing had happened. She kissed him goodbye, made his breakfast, and sent him off to work like any other day. But when he arrived at his office, someone was waiting for him.
Her lawyer. *The Bastard.*
That’s what Tunde called him. The Bastard, with his smooth talk, his towering height, and his perfect, sculpted physique. The man who conspired with Agnes to ruin him.
The Bastard arrived with a stack of documents that seemed to taunt Tunde with every rustling page. These weren’t just any documents; they were proof that Agnes was a co-owner of everything he possessed. Every contract he had signed since their wedding, the medical bill invoices, the school fees bill, he had never looked at them; he trusted his Agnes. But it turned out he had signed several joint ownership affidavits with her.
As he sifted through the pile, Tunde’s frustration began to spill over. If only Layo hadn’t been so selfish, so brazen in confronting Agnes, none of this would have spiralled so far. He had even tried to lash out at her, but Layo had also vanished as if she had never existed. Desperately, he contacted his lawyers, who confirmed the affidavits’ authenticity. His only recourse was to prove Agnes had tricked him into signing them — a Herculean task, given that everyone knew his sweet Agnes was incapable of deceit.
But the realization that Agnes had orchestrated this betrayal fuelled his resolve. He was ready to divide his assets in half if it meant no longer sharing a roof with this new, malevolent version of Agnes.
That evening, as Agnes sat on her side of the bed, meticulously packing her hair extensions into a net, Tunde laid out his decision. Her reaction was swift and chilling. She removed the net and faced him with an expression that was far removed from the caring, concerned Agnes he once knew. This was a face of cold, calculated malice. “Where’s Layo?” she inquired.
Tunde had learned not to question her words. Sure, she had an agenda. “Where is she?” he asked.
“How would I know? I’m not the one who killed her,” Agnes responded, her voice dripping with a disturbing calm as she crawled to his side of the bed, her eyes never leaving his.
“Agnes, is Layo, is Layo dead?” he whispered, feeling a sickening sense of déjà vu. He thought he was beyond being shocked by Agnes’s behavior.
“I believe so. You told me you killed her,” Agnes said, her voice rising as she wrapped her arms around his neck.
“I never said any such thing!” Tunde protested.
“Oh, but you did. You came home drunk one night. If I recall correctly, it was July 1st of last year. You said she was trying to sabotage our marriage, and you had to kill her.”
“You’re insane!” Tunde pushed her away, his frustration boiling over. “I’ve had enough of your lies…”
“I’m sorry, I killed her… killed who? Layo, I killed Layo. My ex-girlfriend, I ended things with her, but she wouldn’t leave me alone. She threatened to expose me and blackmailed me. I killed her in our other house and burned her body.” Agnes stopped playing the recording on her phone.
It was his voice slurred with a disturbing blend of confession and denial. Tunde’s mind raced, but he couldn’t recall any such events. He remembered their time together in the other house, but not the murder, and definitely not the confession.
“I never killed anyone. I don’t remember killing anyone. Even if I had, I wouldn’t tell you,” Tunde spat.
“Well, that’s irrelevant now. Whether you killed her or not, whether she’s actually dead or not, doesn’t matter. What matters is convincing your business partners and family. Let’s see if your children believe you. If you divorce me, I’ll hand this evidence to the police. If you try to harm me like you harmed, Layo…”
“For God’s sake, I did not kill Layo!”
Agnes smiled, a chilling, knowing smile. “It doesn’t matter.”
“If you proceed with the divorce, you’ll be responsible for Chichi’s death too.”
Tunde’s blood ran cold. “You killed Layo… and you’ve kidnapped Chichi.”
“Good night, Tunde. I hope your dreams are pleasant.” She retrieved her hairnet with a mocking grace.
“Why are you doing this?” he demanded, feeling a deep, unsettling fear.
“I don’t understand what you’re talking about,” Agnes replied, her voice deceptively calm.
“Why are you trying to hurt me? What have I done to deserve this?”
Agnes sat up, her legs swinging over the edge of the bed as she spoke. “Let me tell you about my family. My great-grandmother was married to my great-grandfather as his first wife. He promised she would be his only wife, but he took two more. She had to endure the humiliation of sharing him. She couldn’t protest because, in their world, men can do whatever they want. Women, however, must endure or leave. My grandmother’s fate was no better. She was cast out because she couldn’t give my grandfather the son he wanted. I watched my father abuse my mother, cheat on her, belittle her, until she died of cancer. The saddest part wasn’t her death but watching her beg not to be cast out as a divorced woman.”
“How does that relate to me?” Tunde asked, his voice tinged with desperation.
“How does that relate to you?” Agnes rose from the bed, her voice a chilling whisper, yet laden with venom. “You are everything I despise about men. Entitled brutes who believe the world exists solely for their pleasure, treating women like mere tools. No, Tunde. I refuse to be your tool. I refuse to let you walk away with the upper hand. I will have the last laugh in this. I gave you my best. I tried to be a good wife, to love you with all my heart. But you turned me into this. The fact that you’re willing to part with everything just to rid yourself of me makes my hatred for you burn even hotter. You ingrate, you’ve made me despise you more and more. Right from the moment you stumbled into our home reeking of alcohol, to when I saw that lipstick stain on your shirt, to the day Layo confronted me. I hated you for every single transgression. I hated that you pursued Chichi. I hated knowing how this would end, with me cast aside like a discarded rag. I hated you, Tunde.”
She closed the distance between them, her voice dropping to a menacing whisper. “But what truly made my hatred simmer was discovering how effortlessly I could manipulate you when you were drunk. How simple it was to control your driver and everyone around you, to make you as miserable as my own mother’s suffering.”
“If you despise me so much, then why are you trying to keep me?”
“My dear husband, you still don’t understand,” she said with a smirk. “I’m doing all this because I hate you. You will never find peace as long as I’m alive. I will never let you go.”
***
His hands trembled as he scrawled his signature on the contract. Once he was finished, Agnes seductively swept it from under his hands, as if savouring the finality of his capitulation.
“Perfect,” she purred. “If you ever attempt to divorce me again, you’ll leave with absolutely nothing. I’ll ensure you lose everything to that handsome partner of yours. But if I decide to release you, we’ll split everything in half, except the children. They stay with me. I’ll even change their names to mine.” She meticulously arranged the contracts in her hands. “Tunde, I will never let you go.”
He looked at the woman before him, a twisted amalgamation of all his past loves — she looked like Agnes, dressed like Layo, moved like Chichi — but she was none of them.
True to her word, the New Agnes never let him go. She made his existence a daily torment. But amidst this turmoil, Tunde found an unexpected respite. Layo, surprisingly alive but with a year of her memory erased, reappeared. Chichi also returned, though she had accepted Agnes’s offer of a reprieve in exchange for her reputation. When she returned, everything was as she had left it, and she married her fiancé.
And as for Tunde, he remained with Agnes.
THE END
A big shout-out to Adewara Alabi Abdulrazzaq for giving me this title challenge! I had serious fun writing it.
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